A Letter and A Prayer

Open Letters That Matter

When I was six years old, I gave my first bl*wjob.“It’s a game”, said He. “Don’t you want to play?”

It was too big, and I threw up on him.
He said I’d do better the next time.

When I was seven years old, I watched a group of fellow second graders cheer as a boy in my class tried to kiss me. He hugged me from behind, giggling all the while.
I threw sand in his eyes, and was sent to the Principal.

When I was eight years old, I had an elderly teacher ask me to stay behind in class. He carried me on his shoulders, and called me pretty.
“Teacher’s Pet!” my friends declared, the envy visible on their faces.
They ignored me at lunch that day.

When I was nine years old, an older girl on the school bus would ask me to lift my skirt up for her. She was pretty and kind, and told me that I could only be her friend if I did what she said.
I wanted to be her friend.

When I was ten years old, a relative demanded that he get a kiss on the cheek every time we met. He was large and loud, and I proceeded to hide under my bed whenever I learnt that he was visiting.
I was known as a rude child.

When I was eleven, my auto-man told me that we would only leave if I gave him a hug every day.
He smelled like cheap soap and cigarettes.

When I was twelve years old, I watched as a man on the street touched my mother’s breast as he passed us. She slapped him amidst the shouts of onlookers telling her to calm down.
She didn’t calm down.

When I was thirteen years old, I exited a restaurant only to see a man visibly masturbating as he walked towards me. As he passed, he winked lasciviously.
My friends and I shifted our gazes down, aghast.

When I was fourteen, a young man in an expensive car followed me home as I walked back from an evening class. I ignored his offer to give me a ride, and I panicked when he got out, only to buy me a box of chocolate that I refused. He parked at the end of my road, and didn’t go away for an hour.
“It turns me on to see you so scared.”

When I was fifteen, I was groped on a bus. It was with a heart full of shame that I confided in a friend, only to be met with his anger and disappointment that I had not shouted at the molester at the time when it happened. My soft protests of being afraid and alone were drowned out as he berated my inaction. To him, my passiveness and silence were the reasons why things like this continue to happen.
He did not wait for my response.

When I was sixteen, I discovered that Facebook had a section of inbox messages named ‘others’, which contained those mails received from strangers, automatically stored as spam. Curious, I opened it to find numerous messages from men I had never seen before. I was propositioned, called sexy, asked for nudes, and insulted.
Delete message.

When I was seventeen, I called for help as a drunken man tried to sexually harass me in a crowded street.
The people around me seemed to walk by quicker.

At eighteen, I was told that sexism doesn’t exist in modern society.
I was told that harassment couldn’t be as bad as us women make it out to be.
That I should watch what I wear.
Never mind you were six, never mind you were wearing pink pajamas.
That I should be louder.
But not too loud, a lady must be polite.
That I should always ask for help.
But stop overreacting, there’s a difference.
That I should stay in at night, because it isn’t safe.
You can’t get harassed in broad daylight.
That I should always travel with no less than two boys with me.
You need to be protected.

That it can’t be that hard to be a girl.

I am now nineteen years old.
I am now tired.

By Anonymous
Artwork by Mayka

Eloquent, Heartbreaking and for those many who are Blind to the World - Very, very Common. This does not shock me - I have heard this life story from hundreds of women, all with their own unique, sickening twists. I also have my own horror stories. Very few women have the luxury of fearlessness in the day-to-day. I am working on giving my fears to God - but that doesn't mean I am safe. It just means that when I get hurt - He has promised to Heal me.

God doesn't promise our hearts, mind and bodies won't Break in following Him. In fact - He warns us that they will. But He does promise to make us anew every morning. Every Moment of Every Day God is putting together the pieces that have been Broken. He is making us into the Most Beautiful Masterpieces - the likes I cannot even Imagine. And although my heart is still broken, my mind is still shattered - and people are constantly stomping on the pieces - or I am throwing them across the room in Rage. He is God. He owns my very Soul and Guards it with His Life. Sacrificed His Son's Life to Save it.

He's basically Santy Clause on Heavenly Steroids. Despite how much work there is to do to in a limited amount of time, He is easily able to keep up. And He ends up being Ahead of Schedule too! I swear I would NOT have believed you last year if you described who I am today. And so - Life becomes a Cha-Cha: I'm dancing across the Ballroom - Two steps Forward and One step Back. Slowly, but surely - I will make it through this Life.

I don't ask God for much. And I Certainly do NOT ask Him for something as Naive as General Safety. My Number One Prayer Request is that He reminds me why this Life is Worth It. I ask Him to Prove to me why I should care when it's Rough. And He does. Every Time. He doesn't have to - but He does :') And that is Enough. You can go through Anything when He answers a Prayer like that. Thank You my Lord.

Thank You for Your Faithfulness to a Scared, Weak, Rebellious girl - who, like so many others - is often Tired. Tired of this Game called Life. You give me the Strength to not only Survive it - but to even begin to Enjoy it. I never asked for that. Never expected that to even be attainable. But you saw not only what I needed - but also what I wanted.

Now I cannot Imagine how anyone who has You as their Savior - could possibly want anyone but You to be in control of their life! How do we - How do I - so often forget that you have me covered?! Don't let me forget Lord. Even if it hurts - don't let me forget why I need You. Why I love You. Don't let me run away EVER Again. Don't let me even want to! I beg You Lord, let me Live for You and Only You, all the Days of this Life.

Amen

<3 Not the End of a Prayer - simply a Pause between Prayers <3

Fear

I've never had the courage to attempt to explain the depths of my madness. Even if you really could keep up and follow my crazy down the rabbit hole to Insanity of my Broken Mind - you wouldn't understand it. It wouldn't compute. So why even bother? In the end - you will just look at me with either pity or worse with brazen disbelief. You would look around the garden and not understand that the flowers can talk. You wouldn't see the caterpillar smoking his hookah. You would maybe see the Queen, but never the cat or his smile. You see what you want to see and you ignore what you can't possible understand. Or simply chalk it up to an over-dramatic girl who just needs to suck it up. And despite all this - I'm going to attempt to explain something. Not even for you, but for me. I'm going to attempt to understand the inner workings of one of the aspects that scares me the most and perhaps maybe some will also benefit from this Ramble. For one of my Greatest Fears...is Fear.

Oooooh. Yeah - Real Deep. I can see your eyes rolling. Shush now.

Everyone has fears. Everyone gets scared. This is nothing new. This is apart of Life. People deal with it and move on. But the ways people handle the fears varies from person to person. Remember - Everyone is Unique. We might all be the Same in that we are Each Equally Fucked UP. But we also each get to fuck up uniquely. Fun Times that is. Yeah - sarcasm. Anyhoot. So I get scared - just like everyone else. I handle it too - in my own unique way. Except that way is not and never has been acceptable.

I call her Icebitch. Yeah - you're about to hear some shit that makes me SO Incredibly Vulnerable I'm already shaking at the thought of putting it out there. She is NOT another personality - let me make that VERY CLEAR. IceBitch is a persona I subconsciously created to protect me when I get scared. She is my anger, my sexuality, my independence, and ultimately my Confidence. She is made up of all these different aspects of my personality that already existed...but taken to extremes. And she stands between me and the vulnerable parts of who I am. When she comes to the forefront, my sensitivity - my "tender heart" - it disappears. When I let her take over - anything that could hurt me, even if it's apart of me - it gets pushed back into the deepest recesses of my soul.

When she takes over, I think rainbows are Dumb. The color pink is Stupid. Flowers are for pussies. Singing a silly song or making goofy faces are what babies do. Water I just stay clear of altogether. Why? Because it can easily get me to FEEL. IceBitch does NOT Do Feelings. Not just feelings of sadness and hurt. She doesn't do Happy. She doesn't even do LOVE. Come on Charlie Brown. Isn't it obvious? Haven't I said this all before, in different ways? Love, Happiness, any positive feeling can be used to hurt you in a Variety of Excruciatingly Painful Ways. People build walls for just this reason.

Feelings are like every super heroes gal. They are a weakness that villains can exploit to bring you down. But this is not Completely true. For not all people who exploit that which you love are villains and Vulnerabilities are also not a weakness. Like a woman who is physically weak - that doesn't make her a weakness. There is a difference. Some vulnerabilities are strengths in their own right through what they give that makes them worth it. Here's an example: Forgiveness.

I know I know. Hold your britches on. I'm thinking. So - Forgiveness is often Extremely Difficult. It can takes weeks, years, a lifetime or Never to forgive someone. Me? Maybe once. But I couldn't tell you when. People don't even know. I realized just this week why so many people think I tend to "overreact". People see a level of emotions, be it anger or hurt and then it's gone in the span of a couple hours or maybe a day tops. I've realized that people chalk this up to having calmed down and seen how silly I was. No. Oh God how wrong you would be.

You poor silly fool. That you should know me and think that of me. I am astonished at your naivety. When you hurt me - when you mentally beat me with your words, actions, deeds - do you really think it doesn't hurt and my yowl of pain is just for show? Seriously? Oh darling. You have much to learn. Every time you cut me with your cruelty I feel it. Every "joke". Every inept phrasing of a ridiculous thought. Every unkind word strikes me harder than any physical blow I have ever incurred - of which there have been many. It hurts. You HURT me. Perhaps even scarred me. And I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. No - that's no the point either you dunder-headed fop. Listen!

You may Beat me Black and Blue with your Words. You may Hurt me and even Scar me - but I forgive you EVERY Time. I forgive you without an apology. I forgive you without the words. I forgive so often - it has become second nature. And for a while - it made me a doormat. Because not telling people they hurt you. Forgiving people without consequences each and EVERY Time - this teaches nothing. They continue to Brazenly walk about this world inflicting Pain on others because I was too much of a Coward to tell them they were cruel. That right there is actually still a work in progress in my heart.

But Forgiveness - this is a strength of mine that I actually like. I don't often particularly enjoy my tender heart or many of my passions. They are more weaknesses than strengths in my eyes. Although - I am learning to see them differently. This Forgiveness thing though - this is a Strength I am So Very Thankful for. Without this - I would be a hermit in Antarctica, since God never deigned to let any of my suicide attempts succeed. It is what keeps me sane, when the Pain is Great. The ability to empathize, to understand why people are the way they are. To not see just the Pain from the wound they inflicted, but why they inflicted it. And very rarely has it been on purpose. Honestly - most wounds are from people who feel the best defense is a good offense. They have their own walls and I see this clearly. It helps ease the Pain - Every. Single. Time. The Understanding that they are hurting too. They just aren't in a place to show it. Not yet.

So that Massive Tangent has exemplified the Strength that can be found in a weakness. Oh - and forgiveness can Definitely be a Vulnerability. Don't be so simple as to think otherwise. Just go watch an action movie to see how. But that doesn't mean it is a Weakness. Two different things. Which is exactly what I was getting at earlier. Weaknesses versus Vulnerabilities. And to IceBitch - all Vulnerabilities are Weaknesses. She is a Villain in her own right. She was formed to protect me. But in the end - all she brought was Chaos and Destruction to my life. The Ultimate Cliche Story of Evil.

When IceBitch takes over - gone are ALL my fears. My Confidence rushes in with a Force that's Undeniable. I am Completely Invincible for I Just don't give a Fuck. I do what I want. I get what I want. And if you stand in my way - you will Regret it. Have no doubt. For IceBitch does not have my empathy. She does not have my care or love for others. She does not care for happiness or laughter. She cares for control. She cares for power. She cares for whatever it takes to keep me safe from Fear.

And when I have given her the reigns to my life. Well - those are not stories I care to share. If you really want to know - I'm sure you could find them in any cliche rated-x teen drama where the girl ends up incarcerated, hospitalized or dead at the end of it. I hate those movies. I'd rather escape the realities of my Life than relive them, thanks. But that's the thing. You don't get to have experiences like mine without memories. No matter how good I've gotten at blocking most of them. They seep through. They come out in the shittiest of times. I wake up in a cold sweat, heart pounding - unknowing of why NOT Wanting to know why.

And that's what happened this morning. I woke up. I was scared shitless. I didn't know why and I did. NOT. Want. To. I just wanted out. I wanted to run - far far away. My mind didn't care that's impossible to physically escape an emotion - so I did. I got my running gear on as fast as I could and I ran. Scared, shaking, heart pounding, legs weak and often failing - I ran until I could run no more, then I walked and then I ran some more. It didn't work. I stopped at one point. I knew I had to feel. I didn't want to. I sat down and let a couple tears fall and decided it was time to head home and try to face my fear.

But by the time I got home, I had forgotten how to cry. It may sound silly to you and if you are a fool you will undoubtedly not believe me - but letting myself cry is one of the hardest parts of my therapy. I would rather slam my fist into a brick wall then cry - and I have - many times. And although I took a hot shower and finally let my legs give out on my completely - I couldn't figure out how to do it. I just lay there - at the bottom of the tub, staring blindly at nothing - waging a silent battle within. My body does not fail to listen to me - but my mind - that shit does what it wants. And it did NOT want to feel. It did not want to FEAR. And I didn't know how to make it.

I have used IceBitch to guard me for so long - I don't even remember fear well. When it comes up - I've had a hard enough time struggling with not letting her take over. That battle has been won, but lately I've been trying to figure out how to let myself be scared. How do I feel Fear? I honestly don't have an answer yet. I've only been preventing it. That or the classic Fight or Flight kicks in. But Feeling Fear? It baffles me. I'm just too much of a Coward. I shy away from any Fear that involves Mental Pain.

No - the threat of Physical Pain is not a Valid Fear in my Mind. The thought of being hurt that way does not scare me. Jumping off cliffs, black-diamond skiing, playing chicken or bar fights - these are adrenaline rushes. They are more helpful in easing my Mental Pain and therefore they have been Greatly Encouraged by IceBitch in the past. But - the thought of abandonment, rejection, failing, screwing up yet again, hurting another - all these and more are what I Fear. And these Fears are not only valid, but I have experienced at Excruciating Levels in the Most Torturous of Ways. Hence - IceBitch.

But she is gone and I am defenseless. Yeah - come on now. Keep up with the rabbit. This is Wonderland and that was a Total Lie. I have God you silly beaver. And He is teaching me how to Fear properly. It's not been easy, since His Way is always Hella Harder than all the Unhealthy ways. His Way always is. If anyone tells you being a Christian is easy - the Devil is speaking through them. Do not listen to that bullshit. Following God is Fucking HARD. It's also Worth It. Even with the Pain. Even with the Fear. It's SO Totally WORTH IT.

There's no way I could adequately explain how. Because it's not about happiness. It's not about contentment or joy. It's not about comfort and temporal security or safety. It's not about anything on this World's Plane. It's about SO Much More. The Worth and Purpose I have found are Eternal. They are beyond. They make life worth living. They transform the Broken into Beauty. He Heals and He LOVES. My God is repairing my shattered soul. He's molding me into a person I am proud to be. He is changing my life into one I am Grateful for. I do nothing of these Great Works. He did it ALL. His Is EVERYthing to me. And without Him - I would be NOTHING.

Thank You my Lord. Thank You my Yahweh. I pray to Always Remember what You have done for me. To NEVER take it for Granted. To Pray to YOU and NO one but YOU all the days of my Life. To LIVE for YOU and NO one and Nothing else. Nothing so fleeting as is only in this world. I ask this God. I ask for Your Strength as I follow You on this Pilgrim's Progress. I ask for YOUR Armor against my Fear. And I ask for Your Help when I fail, as I do - every moment of my life.

One Day I will make it to the End of this Journey. I will get to spend Eternity at HOME. Until then - I want to see through Your Eyes to see what I cannot. I want to see the Vision YOU have of this world and Your People. I want to Love as You do. I am not Worth Shit without You, my God - but with You - I am Priceless. Thank You. Thank You for Your Promise to NEVER Let me Go. It means more than even I know.

With all my Imperfect Love

I am a Coward

I am a Coward. It's simple. I will do Anything and Everything to avoid Mental Pain. One of my Alltime Fvorite tv shows emphasizes a typical societal view on Emotional Pain versus Physical Pain...

Yes - I think this is Hilarious. It's also very, Very Wrong.

I am a coward, but if the definition of a coward was determined by a Stoic, I would be a BEAST. I am simply not afraid of Physical Pain. The idea of being shot doesn't scare me. If we were in Roman times I would make an Amazing soldier. If you looked at the things I've done...

I've gone down black diamonds in Colorado and laughed when I crashed - Hard. I'm an adrenaline junkie and if there's a challenge to be had in that arena - I have Never said No. From cliff-jumping to playing chicken in a car -- I've done it all. I could give two shits about my body. Not when it's such an easy pawn to use in retaining my sanity. In keeping the Emotional Pain at Bay. Tattoos and Piercings were used this way. Men were as well. Even a taser once.

Oh - you don't want to hear this? Boohoo - I'm not in the mood to hear your bullshit. Not if you laughed at that video and sure as Fuck not if you agreed with it. You obviously need to hear the realities of Emotional Pain because I'm sick and tired of people treating us like weaklings. I'm a Coward for Emotional Pain, the kind that you Could Not FATHOM.

You think you can empathize? Ok - Empathize.

Imagine what it's like to have a Pain SO Intense that you decide to end your life because you can't handle it. Oh - believe me, I know you've heard this before and it hasn't sunk in. So I'll make it more real for you.

There are men and women in this world who have Pain that goes so deep that they just quit Life. I remember the first time Clearly. I left work. I went home and popped pill after pill until my bath was cold - guzzling cough medicine on the side as I ate chips for the horrendous taste. When that didn't seem to be working - I got in my ugliest pairs of sweats, covered my seat with a towel to prevent a mess and calmly took a serrated knife to my arms for over half an hour, slicing them dozens upon dozens of times -  trying to get deep enough to hit a vein. It wasn't hard. I never cried out. I only let a couple tears fall when I saw that it wasn't working. They wouldn't bleed, not how I wanted them too. I remember despairing and trying harder and harder. I put a great deal of physical strength into my last attempt. It was the only one that needed stitches - about an inch deep and when the blood barely welled - that is when I let a couple tears fall as I realized that I couldn't even kill myself correctly. I had fucked up again. And the Pain from that was the only thing I felt - the only Pain I remember with a clarity that Hurts even now. I do not remember any physical pain whatsoever.

I remember Emotional Pain, physical pain does not even register as a blip in my memories. I remember Hurting SO Bad, my thoughts going at the rate of a tornado - spiraling up so High and Dangerous. It was terrifying and I am a Coward. So I walked to Cary Parkway. I waited. I saw lights from a car racing down the street at the late hour. I waited. And then I ran and stopped. I watched the car as it hit me. I braced myself for impact. I admit I was scared enough at the last minute that I twisted my body away from the car and it only hit my left side. My head hit the windshield. I fell to the ground and I remember despair that I wasn't hurt at all. I wanted it to knock me out. I wanted to stop Feeling, emotionally. And not even the physical pain from this even could stop the Emotional Pain from torturing me. All I wanted was for it to all stop. But banging your head against a brick or shower wall is only enough to ease the Pain for a little bit - it won't stop your thoughts. They just keep going and going and going...

Think about what I have said. Think about your reaction to that video clip. I find it humorous in a deprecating sort of way. Why do you? Do you think Physical Pain hurts more than Emotional Pain? Because honestly - I find sin in my life for thinking men are pussies with not only Emotional Pain, but physical pain as well. Last year - if you were to give me a gun and dare me to shoot myself in the foot - I could and probably would, depending on the stakes. I can brand myself, although I've only worked with boiling water for that type of physical pain. Physical Pain is NOTHING compared to Emotional Pain. The fact that you think that - just tells me you've never experienced this kind of PAIN. And I lose respect for you honestly. When I cry out because a piece of furniture drops on my foot or glass breaks and cuts me - are you really so oblivious to think I'm crying out from physical pain? Fool. I am crying out because I didn't catch it - because I failed.

Fuck.

I am disappointed in each and every one of you who still holds this fucked up view of life. I am double disappointed with anybody unwilling to try to empathize. Today I'm just Done. I'm tired of Idiots and Fools. I'm tired of confrontations and conflict. I'm tired of a year of growing and people still not understanding exactly where I was that wanting to LIVE, that dealing with the PAIN is a BIG Fucking Deal. I spent an entire Decade handling the Pain with physical pain, among other poor coping methods. Today I'm proud to say that I am FAR from where I was. I'm following God and I'm working my ASS OFF to Live like Jesus. And I am doing hella GOoD.

I don't have time for people who are unwilling to go through hard shit to follow God too. I sure as fuck did and still do. At least for today - I refuse to deal with y'all's shit. You are a modern day bully and the kind that is really just the Ultimate Pussy.

I admit I was a Coward and often still am. I ran away from the Pain and from God for a decade plus. But I am no longer running. I am turning to face it head on. Not only that - but I'm going Braveheart style on this Bitch. With God at my side - I know I will fucking have my Freedom. Not in this life - but the Next.

#LoveWhatMatters #FollowGod #GrowUp #DrinkMoreMilk

Trusting is Hard: The Sequel

I've been thinking about the issue of pride a lot lately. It's often said that this is the root sin of humanity. That, were you to follow every indiscretion and difficulty a person has with others, themselves and ultimately - God; if you were to follow these to the very source of the issue - you would find that it always comes back to pride. Pride in ourselves. Pride that we know better than God in every issue. Pride because we want control of our own lives and are not willing to give God control because we can do it so much better. I think this is pretty valid reasoning. But I also disagree. I think this reasoning is incredibly close to it's mark, but slightly off-course. I do not think the root issue of problems in this world is pride. I believe it is lack of Trust in God.

I know. I know. I already hear the arguments. It is because of our pride that we fail to trust God with our problems. But see - that is where I disagree. I think we have this backwards. We have pride because we do not Trust God. That may sound redundant, but it's not. It's actually a Big Difference. The Root Issue of ourselves and the world; our root sin - is a Lack of Trust. And this then results itself in a variety of ways - including pride, but not reserved solely to this transgression. Although I believe our inability to trust God often leads to pride, so often that pride has gotten mistaken for this deeper issue; I do not believe this is the only reason we have problems with trusting our Lord and Savior. There are a variety of results and reasons for mistrust. And they are cyclical - they feed each other.

The one that first came to mind and consequently has had me thinking about this so much lately is - Fear. I would say that I have pride like any other, but after a lot of introspection, my inability to trust God or others, rarely stems from pride. It is a result of my Overwhelming Fear. Fear of what they will think of me if they knew how fucked up I am? Fear of how they will respond. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being hurt. Fear of living in a world all alone. And for most of my life I placed God in the same box as everybody else in my life. I was just as scared too ask Him for help as I am still scared to ask others to this day.

Asking for help is not easy for me. And it's almost never because of pride. It took me a while to figure that out, because I knew it was a lack of trust that led to my inability to ask for something as simple as a ride, advice, or even a glass of water. When things get rough, the more susceptible I am to fearing others. This leads to asking questions I would probably know the answer to otherwise. When I am confidant in God-in-me I can walk into a friends' house like I own the place and I have :) .

When my day has been rough, when the pain has hit me hard - I will likely ask if I can use the bathroom and brace myself as if I was about to be hit as I do so. I know the reasons for these fears and I won't be explaining them in this blog post. But please understand that asking for help is not easy for everyone and your response can make or break a person's day, if not their life. I have learned to Trust God and I no longer fear Him as I once did. But I still fear you all. I fear those I love most. On a good day it's getting easier to get past this fear and trust others. And only thanks to my Trust in God. On a bad day - it was once impossible. God was the only One I would allow near me; the only One I would allow to help me. And this was good - as I needed to trust Him more than any other. And I do.

But now He wants me to learn to trust others. Not that He won't be there through every moment of every day, holding my hand; carrying me through the pain and beaming at me with every laugh that erupts. But we were never meant to live in this world as hermits. I've been convicted about my unwillingness to trust others and I have worked towards this ever since then. It has taken time - for I do not have very many reasons to trust others. Not compared to how many reasons I have to distrust them. I would appreciate you keeping this in mind in your interactions with me, as well as others.

As Christians - we are all different and yet we are all the same. We are all unique and we are all sinners being remade by the One Who knows us best. Some of us struggle with pride, some of us struggle with fear; we all struggle with an inability to Trust God. It is good to remember that we are all the same deep down, but the way our individual issues manifest themselves and why - can be extremely different. I often forget this and treat others the way I would want to be treated. But while the Golden Rule is a nice sentiment, it can get you in heckuv-a-lot of trouble if applied improperly. Believe me - I've learned this the hard way.

And above all, remember - there is no one currently in this world you can trust 100% in every situation. That doesn't mean you don't love them. An inability to trust someone completely with "life, love and the pursuit of happiness" does Not mean they are not very near and dear to your heart. It also does not mean you cannot trust them with a great many things. But we are ALL human. We are ALL sinners. And we are ALL going to screw shit up regularly. The only Being you should trust 100% with your well-being...is God. And if you are trusting anyone or anything more than Him, then life will get harder than it needs to be - if not Completely Impossible.

So - to wrap up. I've found it's important to:

Trust God above all others First.

Trust God-in-me as well.

Trust others carefully - while understanding they will fail many times in this regard and that's Alright.

And Love. Love is the Key to learning how to Trust.
P.s. God is Love.

Over & Out

Shalom

Peace out Homedawgs

Avec Amore Mon-Amis

Ttyl

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera