Trusting is Hard: The Sequel

I've been thinking about the issue of pride a lot lately. It's often said that this is the root sin of humanity. That, were you to follow every indiscretion and difficulty a person has with others, themselves and ultimately - God; if you were to follow these to the very source of the issue - you would find that it always comes back to pride. Pride in ourselves. Pride that we know better than God in every issue. Pride because we want control of our own lives and are not willing to give God control because we can do it so much better. I think this is pretty valid reasoning. But I also disagree. I think this reasoning is incredibly close to it's mark, but slightly off-course. I do not think the root issue of problems in this world is pride. I believe it is lack of Trust in God.

I know. I know. I already hear the arguments. It is because of our pride that we fail to trust God with our problems. But see - that is where I disagree. I think we have this backwards. We have pride because we do not Trust God. That may sound redundant, but it's not. It's actually a Big Difference. The Root Issue of ourselves and the world; our root sin - is a Lack of Trust. And this then results itself in a variety of ways - including pride, but not reserved solely to this transgression. Although I believe our inability to trust God often leads to pride, so often that pride has gotten mistaken for this deeper issue; I do not believe this is the only reason we have problems with trusting our Lord and Savior. There are a variety of results and reasons for mistrust. And they are cyclical - they feed each other.

The one that first came to mind and consequently has had me thinking about this so much lately is - Fear. I would say that I have pride like any other, but after a lot of introspection, my inability to trust God or others, rarely stems from pride. It is a result of my Overwhelming Fear. Fear of what they will think of me if they knew how fucked up I am? Fear of how they will respond. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being hurt. Fear of living in a world all alone. And for most of my life I placed God in the same box as everybody else in my life. I was just as scared too ask Him for help as I am still scared to ask others to this day.

Asking for help is not easy for me. And it's almost never because of pride. It took me a while to figure that out, because I knew it was a lack of trust that led to my inability to ask for something as simple as a ride, advice, or even a glass of water. When things get rough, the more susceptible I am to fearing others. This leads to asking questions I would probably know the answer to otherwise. When I am confidant in God-in-me I can walk into a friends' house like I own the place and I have :) .

When my day has been rough, when the pain has hit me hard - I will likely ask if I can use the bathroom and brace myself as if I was about to be hit as I do so. I know the reasons for these fears and I won't be explaining them in this blog post. But please understand that asking for help is not easy for everyone and your response can make or break a person's day, if not their life. I have learned to Trust God and I no longer fear Him as I once did. But I still fear you all. I fear those I love most. On a good day it's getting easier to get past this fear and trust others. And only thanks to my Trust in God. On a bad day - it was once impossible. God was the only One I would allow near me; the only One I would allow to help me. And this was good - as I needed to trust Him more than any other. And I do.

But now He wants me to learn to trust others. Not that He won't be there through every moment of every day, holding my hand; carrying me through the pain and beaming at me with every laugh that erupts. But we were never meant to live in this world as hermits. I've been convicted about my unwillingness to trust others and I have worked towards this ever since then. It has taken time - for I do not have very many reasons to trust others. Not compared to how many reasons I have to distrust them. I would appreciate you keeping this in mind in your interactions with me, as well as others.

As Christians - we are all different and yet we are all the same. We are all unique and we are all sinners being remade by the One Who knows us best. Some of us struggle with pride, some of us struggle with fear; we all struggle with an inability to Trust God. It is good to remember that we are all the same deep down, but the way our individual issues manifest themselves and why - can be extremely different. I often forget this and treat others the way I would want to be treated. But while the Golden Rule is a nice sentiment, it can get you in heckuv-a-lot of trouble if applied improperly. Believe me - I've learned this the hard way.

And above all, remember - there is no one currently in this world you can trust 100% in every situation. That doesn't mean you don't love them. An inability to trust someone completely with "life, love and the pursuit of happiness" does Not mean they are not very near and dear to your heart. It also does not mean you cannot trust them with a great many things. But we are ALL human. We are ALL sinners. And we are ALL going to screw shit up regularly. The only Being you should trust 100% with your well-being...is God. And if you are trusting anyone or anything more than Him, then life will get harder than it needs to be - if not Completely Impossible.

So - to wrap up. I've found it's important to:

Trust God above all others First.

Trust God-in-me as well.

Trust others carefully - while understanding they will fail many times in this regard and that's Alright.

And Love. Love is the Key to learning how to Trust.
P.s. God is Love.

Over & Out

Shalom

Peace out Homedawgs

Avec Amore Mon-Amis

Ttyl

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera