Life is Complicated

Life is Complicated. And while I agree that people are the reasons for the complications, I disagree with how people tend to use the phrase: "You're over-complicating it." Bullshit. Whenever I hear those words, my hackles raise. Why? Because many of us realize that Life is already complicated and at this point the World is such a mess you can't find Truth if it bites you in the ass. If you choose to believe otherwise you are blinding yourself to reality. I understand why people do this. For a very, very long time I would break down and cry out that it wasn't fair. The reply was always "Life's not fair." And my response was always "Well it should be." And it should. Life should be fair - we all understand this. Although - few understand that if life was fair - we wouldn't be discussing this at all. No. We'd already be thrown to hell. We're thankful that life's NOT fair - if we have the ability to understand this. And if you've talked to God enough about the realities of life you can easily understand that the same rings true for Life Complications. And because I love analogies...

Think about your most complicated relationship. Think about how often you have to defend remaining in that person's life. We all have someone like that - or many someones. Think about all those cliche memes that float around the internet. The memes about "Real Friends" and how that is utter Bullshit. If you don't already know that then you probably aren't at the point where you will understand what I'm talking about in the slightest. The longer you have a relationship with someone - the more complicated it becomes. Good or bad - that's not what I'm talking about. When you've known someone closely for an extended amount of time - particularly when you go through hardcore shit together - there comes a point where explaining your friendship to another is simply impossible. If someone were to try to simplify a decade of ups and downs you would probably get exasperated with them. You might think or even say -- "you don't understand". Because they don't. And if you think relationships shouldn't have ups and downs - you're right and a Fool.

While sin is in this world and in our own hearts - there will never be a perfect relationship involving humans. Every single one will have complexities. It's true that they shouldn't - but we chose, and choose, to disobey. And that changes a lot of shit for the Realities of Life. We were cursed with sin and we will be unable to do anything perfectly until The Day. ESPECIALLY Relationships. We fuck up. Our friends fuck up. Our family and significant other fucks up. It's Life. Suck it up Buttercup. Accept that you are a screw up. Despite what we're subconsciously taught - acceptance does not go hand-in-hand with contentment. Acceptance is actually what goes hand-in-hand with Growth. We are all sinners in need of God's Grace. This is known and Most Definitely NOT understood. We do not sin by accepting that we do sin. We sin by not asking forgiveness and then asking God for help when we do. If you cannot accept that you are a sinner, you cannot fully understand your need for a savior. And whether you know it now or not - you do. We all do.

In a World that Needs Love - Real Love. The kind of Love you look for in others who will Always Fail you -- He's the only One Who won't. And His Relationship with His Chosen demonstrates this quite clearly. Look at those idiots the Israelites. How often have you rolled your eyes at the stories of their indiscretions, their betrayal, their blindness, their forgetfulness, their Foolishness in their relationship with a God Who so clearly only wants the best for them? Dude - they are SO an analogy for every Christian's relationship with God. If you don't think you're just as dumb as the Israelites - and I sure as hell know that I Totally am - than you are still letting sin blind you. And if you're like me and can easily admit you're Utter Foolishness - than look for the Hope in that relationship. He Promised them LIFE. The Forever Kind. He Promised me. He Promised US.

And when it comes to God and His people - that is the Most Complicated Relationship of all -- and yet simultaneously the least complicated one out there. There is only One Truth and it is GOD. He is the only solid, reliable thing in this world. The least complicated part of this mess of a life. And still crazy ass complicated! Everything else in this World has had a Lifetime - Literally - to become a confusing ClusterFuck. If you think your best friend of a couple decades has a complicated friendship with you - Imagine what several centuries is like! I do believe that Life was once black and white. It is no longer. Because of sin entering the world - so to did Grey. So to did the inability to see Truth clearly even when it is there. Do not ask people to simplify Life - that is a feat that only God can do, and will do - in His Own Timing. Right now - it's best to pray to see the complexities clearly. To see where sin is affecting black and white - to see the grey and understand it better. People do not often over-complicate shit. It's already been done, by All of Us. We "simply" need to ask God to see this mess clearly. We need to let Him use us to UnComplicate this ClusterFuck we've made for ourselves. But that is easier said than done - don't I know. I want an Easy Button. Good Day Charlie Brown and Good "Luck" seeing the World as God does. It's Terrifying, although often Beautiful -- and SO Totally Worth It.

The Nature of Contradiction

Women are Complicated Creatures. This is Known. We are confusing to many and often even to ourselves. Much of this is what I've harped on many times -- how we've lost the true essence of a woman over the centuries. We've labeled her strengths as weaknesses and forced her to evolve as a man to be seen with respect or to have an equal value to that of a man's. But, as a whole - those are not the thoughts that have been trampling my mind this morning - spinning through my head with the force of a hurricane. No - this morning I found my myself obsessing over Contradiction. I found my mind will not let this go and this eventually drives me to type until the subject is exhausted enough that my mind will leave it be. What about contradiction has me in such a tizzy this morning? That it's seen as a bad thing - when it's not. It's not good either. It just is.

Mind you - I'm not talking about hypocrisy and No - they are not the same thing. They are related - but they are distinctly different. Defined by Google - Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or belief's to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense. This word is often thrown around willy-nilly, Incorrectly and let's not get my started on a tangent that has me ranting about it. So for now - I'm relegating my monologue to the word "Contradiction":

Contradiction is not morally good or bad - it's just another element of this world. It is often seen by the world as "Bad" because of my usual tirade on men versus women. Men are stereotypically logical, rational creatures. Women, being made in the image of man, but vastly different in order to complete him - are going to of course have different strengths that compliment a man's. We tend to use emotional reasoning and are #Contradictory. Women by nature tend to be way more introspective than our male counter-parts. Our minds rarely shut up and we try to put it to good use. As a result - we often see more than a male does in a situation. Men tend to dislike using their brains unless they have to and then they use it as a tool to fix something. And they are happy to turn it off when it's not needed. A feat that often baffles me. Women wield their minds without effort. In fact - it could be argued that our minds wield us on occasion. I know I often think of it as a separate entity that simply won't leave me alone. It comes from part of the original curse. God cursed us to obsess over men as a punishment in Eden. Go look it up. I wrote a blogpost about it at some point so I won't be reiterating. And that obsession became part of our makeup. We worry more than the average male because we obsess over Everything. And while obsession can be a flaw, depending on what one is obsessed with - it is not a flaw in and of itself either. I am happy to obsess over God's Love for me for example. So what does this have to do with contradiction? I'm getting there. Patience is a virtue child. One I often loath - but it is nevertheless.

So women are obsessive, our minds often won't let a subject drop and we can analyze it till it's dead and rotting. Sometimes a bad thing, but honestly - not as often as it can be a very Good thing indeed. I'll use myself as an example because this'll be killing two goliath's with one stone(cause I couldn't kill a bird silly). I am the epitome of women in SO Many ways and my Contradictory Nature is most definitely part of this. Yesterday I wanted a homebody day - but in the end - went out for several errands and enjoyed myself immensely. My gpa lovingly laughed when he mentioned this. That's what got me thinking about it honestly. That and how I can love a man, want him to kiss me and want to shake the living daylights out of him simultaneously. I can also have a five minute debate in where I believe something so passionately at the beginning and the exact opposite at the end. In all these things I seem to contradict myself.

But honestly - they aren't contradictions whatsoever. Now that I'm thinking it out - Women are not actually Contradictory - we just think So Much with minds that go So Fast -- men can't keep up. We simply change our minds at the speed of light and often back again. And No. Again - this is NOT a bad thing. You would be a Fool to think it is. Women change their minds because they are constantly assessing and reassessing a situation. Time is always moving forward, taking the world with it. People are new every morning and women are smart enough to know they must constantly reevaluate their ideas on opinions and people. We are often more adaptable to change then men because of this, although not always. Nobody really likes change, but women are more likely to see that it exists all around us. And of course - we're supposed to. We are men's helpers. Equal to men in every way but with a different purpose. Men are meant to rule - women are meant to make sure they do it well. We are meant to push men for they would not do it themselves. Without us they would still be cavemen, apes or whatever you believe about the dawn of creation. Men need women. Women need men. We are equal, but different. And it's time to start celebrating those differences. I will start by celebrating that I seem to be a walking contradiction. When in fact - I just can't turn my brain off and I'm always searching for Truth. I thank You God for this gift, even if it drives me to distraction.

With all the Imperfect Love that I Possess

Let Go

I'm Intense. It's Well-known. I struggle with wanting to Live in this Fallen World. I often want God to bring me Home. This is not just me. I am not Unique. Nor am I normal. Throughout the world there are people who struggle as I do. Every person who has gotten deep with me has acknowledged they went through a point where they just didn't want to exist. Some of us have that point Every Day. We struggle with Pain - Every Day. We struggle in different ways. Not everyone is fearless of Death as I am, but that doesn't mean they Want to live. They just fear death a bit more than they fear life.

Now I ask you. What makes you so special? Why do you think you get to be different? Or maybe you think you deserve more cause you've earned it? You Fool. Nobody asks for Pain. They deal with it the best they know how and sadly it often just makes it worse. So what makes you think you deserve a Stress-Free Life? You don't think you deserve it? Good answer. Because you don't. You aren't even Hashtag "Blessed" with it. It does you Far More harm then you know.

So stop trying to avoid it. Stop trying to run away from situations that upset you. Stop avoiding the people that hurt you. You are to guard your heart against Evil - NOT Life. You do that and You. Are. A. FOOL. Wake up. Grow Up. Open you EYES and SEE. I'm tired of your spiritual immaturity. You don't deserve special treatment. Nobody does. Eventually it's time to acknowledge the fact that Life is Hard and it's going to get Harder.

So Own that Shit. Don't turn inward for answers. Turn to the One Who Knows ALL. Let Go and Let God. Lose Control. You'd be shocked with how freeing that can be. I know I am every day. We all want to control our lives or some aspect of it. We want power, not only over our destinies -- but over who we are and who we are to become. We want control over where we live, what we do, who we love. That's not ours to control. We don't get a say. Talk to God about what we want - Yes. I do Every Day. But acknowledge the fact that it's not up to you. It's not up to me. And when you finally Let Go of what You think you want - think you Deserve - you will get what you Truly Need. What God wants you to have.

It's hard to do. Like Hella Hard - I won't deny it. But Letting Go of what we want -- whether it be control, safety, security, contentment or even happiness -- You will Gain SO Much More. You will be Forever Blessed and in a way - you will have any and all of those idols. God wants us to be happy. He even understands our need for a Choice aka. Control. It's when those things become an idol that they wreck havoc on your life. Let it Go. Lose Control. Scream, Yell, Rant, Cry - Do something Stupid. Although - be prepared for the consequences. And then watch how God uses the idiot thing you did and makes it into something Beautiful. Watch and SEE that the Lord is Good and that He will Always Catch you when you fall.

I acknowledge that this is not necessarily the best way to break from an idol, but it is effective. And honestly, if you think you can wean yourself off of an idol like Happiness, Control or Contentment - you're fooling yourself Hardcore. Naw - those idols are Intense and they need Extremes to Break them. So here's some homework for you. If you find you struggle with NEEDING to be Happy, to not show that you are in Pain -- Let yourself Sob. For those who have mastered that - post a picture of your tears -- that shit aint easy to do. Believe you me. If you NEED to be Content or StressFree -- Put yourself in an Awkward situation. Go somewhere that make you uncomfortable. Take yourself outside your comfort zone while following God and see where He leads you. A piece of advice for that one - He won't show you where He's going until you're past ready to turn around and go back to your Comfort Zone. And if you NEED Control. Allow yourself to Lose It. I obviously wouldn't suggest in an illegal or harmful way. Take a baseball bat to a fence. Break a Dish. Be Passionate even if it means Cursing at God or kissing your crush. Go against your grain and Let Go.

Let Go and Let God. We say that but we don't apply it to our lives. I know I don't. I try and often Fail Miserably. But each time - I learn a little more. Each time I understand God a little better. It's seems a funny way to follow God - but Sanctification is just a fancy term for doing just this. I suggest you try it. Most people don't have a choice. Perhaps you do. So Choose Discomfort. Choose Stress. Choose God. Even if it means Dancing in the Rain like an Idiot while people watch from their apartments above. I wouldn't have done that before. I would have wanted to - but I never would have allowed myself to Let Go like that. Maybe a head bob, a little swagger in my step, but not a full out DanceFest in Public by myself. And I did. And it was SO Totally Worth It. Not every time you Let Go and seek Discomfort will there be consequences or the fears you anticipate. The majority of the time - Yes. But it's Worth It Overall. I Promise. He Promised. So don't trust my word. Trust His WORD.

And with all my Imperfect Love - I bid you adieu for today. Imma go take myself on an uncomfortable run where I will probably have a panic attack at least once...but I'll gain SO Much More <3

A Ramble Turns to Prayer

So God's a funny Dude. If you know me - you know how I often I think like that. He can often crack me up with how He shows me Love. I know - I talk about Love a lot. It's my passion. But I'm not some hippie love kinda gal. As much as I totally dig that fashion on occasion ;) But no. Seriously now. God's Love is no earthly love. You will never even find a perfect definition for it in this world. It's simply not translatable. It's not even fully understandable. God's Love is All-powerful, All-encompassing, All-Every Omni word there is. For God is Love. I have said that over and over again and yet I know people still don't understand how Powerful this kind of Love is. It does have the power to move mountains. It has the power to save lives. It's power alone has saved our own. For God so LOVED the world. Because God first LOVED us. LOVE your neighbor as yourself and Love God above ALL else - are the two Greatest Commandments. This is an important concept People! Far more important than predestination. Than baptism. Than any theological basis for the various denominations. THIS is THE Basis for EVERY Denomination. Or - it should be. Sadly - it is not. No - I hear people's talk of how to convict well or the idea of humility and how it's so important. Both of those things are important. But it's not the world that needs to understand those ideas. That's some bullshit that the Church has let go on for far too long now. The World needs LOVE. It Needs GOD's Love. Not yours and certainly not your ideas about how their handling their lives. If you still haven't understood that The Church is Driving people Away from the Cross - than you - are. A. Fool. And blind to your own sin to boot. You, with your deep understanding of theology and college degree need to learn the basics of God's Law. You who feel superior to the stripper barely making money to feed her coke habit that is what keeps her feeling the pain of Complete Hopelessness and Brokenness of her very soul. You who see the man asking for money on the street and wonder what went wrong in his life that he has lost so much dignity he must "debase" himself in such a way. You who see a young mother with her screaming children in a grocery store - as she cusses them out and they make no qualms with the filth coming out of their young mouths - you see her and avert your eyes. You avoid that aisle and cover your children's ears. Oh - you poor and wretched FOOLS. Have you learned nothing in those fancy colleges? Have you learned nothing from your fancy churches? From your upright and privileged families? They are Each Precious in God's eyes. They are just as Valuable as you are. And honestly - they're better off in many ways. It is easier for a poor man to enter Heaven than a rich one. Why is that do you think? The root issue is not wealth my dear sinners. It is pride. The rich. The wealthy. The privileged. Those who grow up safe and happy honestly - they also grow up not needing the Lord. Not to the degree of someone who has Nothing. You want your children to be happy. You want your children to be safe. You want your children to have their heart's greatest desires. You also want them to grow to know the Lord and have a deep relationship with Him. I'm sorry my friends - but raising your children to rely on you for safety. Raising them to rely on money for security. Raising your children to guard their hearts against pain and suffering - you are turning them Away from our Lord and Savior. You are raising them with the idea that they have some kind of control over their fates. Do you see how foolish that is? It is when we are weak that God can use us the Best. He cannot use someone who thinks that he or she can control their own destiny. Because none of us can. You will set your child up for failure by over-protecting them. You will set yourself up for failure as well. Only God can protect us. And that brings us back to my original point. God Loves us and many would say those who Love you would never let anything hurt you. That's not God people. And hurt is not always a bad thing for sinful people like ourselves. Often hurt drives people into God's waiting arms. I do not believe God wants us to hurt, but neither did He want us to leave Him in Eden. We chose to disobey and we were duly punished. This hurt we do to ourselves and to each other. God let's it happen, it's true. But I do not believe He does so easily. It is with a Heavy Heart I know - that He watches when I silently scream in pain. I also know He gathers all my tears and for every one He bestows a blessing for me. Whether I receive these blessings now or in Eternity - it doesn't matter. Better is OneDay in His Courts than a thousand elsewhere and that promise I cling to with my heart, soul and mind. OneDay this pain will be gone, but God has not taken it away now, nor will He I believe - for it teaches me much. It is a thorn in my flesh that I beg Him to remove - but I also see the necessity of having - even if the pain sears with every move I make. Even though the Pain causes me to cry out and fall - I get up and I keep going. That is what my Man's Love has given me - strength. There is NOTHING that can keep me away from my God. Nothing. I will follow Him wherever He will go. Even when I see that the path is full of jagged rocks and I am barefoot - I go forward. Knowing that it will hurt. I walk onward and I tears fall as the sharp edges begin to cut my feet. I cry out when I stumble and fall and I go forward on my knees. But I continue forward because I know what is ahead. I Know with Every Fiber of my Being what the view is and I am SO Excited. I feel the Pain and it's Worth It. And God is at my side, showing every step I should take - showing me the Way. Each one that brings me closer to His Kingdom and through this Pain-filled path called Life. And He feels every cut. He feels every bruise. He shares my pain through His Son. There is no other who can empathize with us the way Christ can - for He took all our pain, not just our sin - on His back. He took the Full Brunt of the World's Suffering and He healed it. Not in our timeline. It may be Finished, but the war is not over just because it has been won.  As God is outside of time - this is difficult to grasp and often incredibly frustrating and obnoxious in my opinion. But there it is. We still need to fight - but that is why we don't need to worry. At all. Because the outcome is sure. Now we just need to follow God and endure. And again - bringing my mind back to the beginning. God Loves me - this I Know. For - the Bible tells me so. And it also tells me that God never intended me or any of His Children to be comfortable here. This is not our Home. And if your eyes are open - you should see it as anything but. You certainly shouldn't be plotting out a 10 year plan involving a family, home ownership, retirement and a happy death in your sleep. Golly day - what is wrong with you? You think your life is about YOU? You poor, sad fool. Your life is to bring Glory to God. Your work will Never be done and if you are comfortable - that is an easy sign you aren't following Him as you should be. Following God is rarely easy. How often have I followed Him - knowing I would end up in tears? Knowing I would end up on the floor silently screaming until I could scream no more? After the last post - I went for a walk. I did not make it home before I was wracked with Pain. And I knew that would happen, but I knew I needed to do it also. And there was much Good that came out of it, including that I was able to get home after I screamed and that I have never been able to do before. Although - and I rarely call people out like this - but I need to clarify that God can use anything for Good. He can mend even the Most Shattered Soul. But that Does NOT give you license to break it. Just because I tell you how God used my Pain for Good - doesn't mean He should have needed to. Many of you take too much pleasure and even encourage me to go through Pain alone. You turn away from me when I need help because you know I will turn to God and He will help me. Stop this Nonsense at Once. There was a point when I needed to turn to God for Everything because I didn't trust Him. I only trusted a few individuals that have changed throughout the years. This is no longer true and you are a Fool to think it is. I Trust God more than ANY other - certainly more than myself. He has been asking me for quite some time now to trust people again - as I stopped trusting you all. And I try. And. You. Fail. I tell you the Good. I praise you for the ways you are Amazing. For you are. You also hurt me regularly with your immaturity. Whether you be 20 years old or 60 - I absolutely confounded by your inability to grow up. I understand why - that's why it's so easy to forgive you. You have no reason to grow. You are safe. You do not need reasons to understand. And honestly - I don't want you to be able to emphasize. The idea of y'all hurting the way I do is the quickest way to blasphemy for me. And so I typically suck it up and forgive you before you ever knew how stupid you were. I also remember that y'all are going through your own shit that you simply don't talk about. Speaking of which - just because you are hurting and it seems trivial next to mine or someone else's - Does NOT mean your Pain is trivial. A heartbreak is a heartbreak. And the first one is always the Worst, even if it was simply your highschool crush that never amounted to anything. When you live a comfortable life - free of stress, free of guilt, free of Pain - when those finally enter your life it's gonna be hella hard no matter how old you are. And just because you Know people have it worse and logically it doesn't make sense to be upset - doesn't mean you shouldn't be. And it certainly does more harm than good to pretend you're not when you are. God cannot help you if you won't admit you're struggling. Even if you're "only" struggling with the fact that your 7th grade crush never looks your way even though you strategically place yourself in the hallway where your paths cross every school day in second period. Or was it third? I no longer remember ;) But although I don't remember his face all that well - or even why I had a crush on him - I do remember that sting of loss when we moved to NC and I never saw my childhood crush again. But then I "fell in love" with my first boyfriend at 16 years old. I call it puppy love now - for we were young and foolish. He broke my heart and that was the first time I felt that level of Pain. I'll never forget it. It was a hole so big I felt like nothing could fill it - so I go another boyfriend and the cycle began. It is not the Pain that ruins people's lives - it's how we handle it. We Must turn to God. We must also Trust in His ways and not the way we would like to see a situation handled. Often the easiest path is not the Best path. And many times it is the path that hurts the Most - that is the path God is leading us down. For at the end is healing. At the end is Peace. Rest. And as we struggle down the path - there is Hope. There is Faith. There is Goodness. You just need to keep your eyes open for it. Just as you don't look down when crossing a rope-bridge in and Indian Jones movie - neither do you turn your face from God's. Don't pull a Peter and look away from Jesus at the terrifying waves of Life. Keep your eyes on Christ. With every step you take, no matter how painful - don't look away. Look for Him. Look for God. Look for the Good in Every Situation. It is there. For God is there. Listen! This is Important. Do not glance over these words as if just because you've heard them before you do not need to hear them again. We need to hear this daily. We need to be reminded Daily of what God has done for us. For we are a Forgetful people. One day we turn to Him and the next we boast of the accomplishments of our own life without giving credit where it's due. You are Nothing without God - you can do Nothing without God. Don't forget that or I will be forced to remind you and I truly do hate posting these. But it's needed. God has me understanding how much my words are needed. Why mine? If you have to ask - then you haven't been listening. If you don't understand why I have the right to convict you all - then you still haven't even begun to understand me and the majority of people who make up our society. You with Pride as a root sin - you are the minority I'm afraid. The majority of our world is made up of people who have a root sin of fear. Both will turn a person away from God in similar ways - but both are very different in how they need to be addressed. You prideful people need to be humbled. You need to be convicted by the fearful. The fearful ones? We need to Trust in God and then in you - the prideful ones. Despite the fact that you will hurt us and we well know it. Both of these sins take courage to address. And the deeper the sin - the more strength you will need from God to overcome it. My sin is great. I fear the World. I am pretty friggin Terrified of Christians. And I am still regularly scared of God. And so God has been giving me the strength I need to fight this sin. He did not heal me of it. I do not believe that miracles can't happen, but I do not believe there are many cases where it is beneficial to a sinner to take the sin away with the snap of God's Majestic Fingers. I am overcoming my sin with God's help, but it is taking time. It is taking a Great Deal of Patience. And above all - it is taking a Strength I have never possessed. It is taking a Godly amount of Strength. And with God's own Strength I can overcome even my most painful of memories. I can replace them with new ones of dancing in the rain. He has even helped me heal a trigger memory. I didn't know that could be done. I knew one could learn to live with them - I did not believe they could be healed. But this is God and His Strength. With God against me - who could stand against me? Certainly not a trigger noise or even a painful memory. Thank You my God for this Strength. Thank You my Lord for your Love. Thank You for not just healing me - but Growing me. I may hate You for it many times - but I am learning to be Grateful even in the Pain. I love you the best I can and it's still not enough. #OneDay I will Love as You do. I pray that day comes swiftly and that Your Glory be seen through me even though I am a Broken and Imperfect Tool. Please use me anyways. Though I be a hammer and I am pounded in the process. Even though you may need to use me as a saw and cut through the sins of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don't care how You use me Lord - save that You do. For it wasn't until I found my purpose in You that I even cared to Live. It wasn't until I gave up hope int he world that I found Hope in You. And you will NEVER Leave me. You will NEVER Forsake me. When all else fails - You are my Rock. YOU are my Hope. You are my Deliverer. And I will follow You no matter where You go. I realize it wasn't that hard when I had nothing to leave behind. I had already lost Everything. I had Nothing Left when you picked me up, unconscious - beaten and battered in the gutter. Finally unable to fight you. You convinced me You were not the enemy - although You never should have had to. And all the while You have been healing me. Even though I call You wretched names and curse Your very Face as you cauterize my wounds. You take the abuse and You Love me anyways. You not only are healing me - but you are returning all that I've lost. Not just what I've lost. You're giving me back all that and more. Restoring in tenfold what I never could have gotten on my own. I see that and I thank You. I thank you for my home. For my possessions. For my family and friends. I thank you for the words I say and the things that I do that are So Kind they surely do not come from me, but the You-within-me. I do not thank you for being alive, but I thank you for my Life. If I mustn't be allowed Home yet - thank You for the Purpose You have given me here in this world and the Strength to serve You. I could go on and on and on. But I am sleepy and will soon become incoherent to all save You and myself. I will never be able to Thank You enough though my Yahweh. It's at times like these that I'm glad my mind doesn't shut down - I can go on praising Your Name like this for hours and it still wouldn't be enough. And with that I'll bid my audience adieu and God sings me to sleep with those Wonderful Lullabies I'm so fond of.