A Ramble Turns to Prayer

So God's a funny Dude. If you know me - you know how I often I think like that. He can often crack me up with how He shows me Love. I know - I talk about Love a lot. It's my passion. But I'm not some hippie love kinda gal. As much as I totally dig that fashion on occasion ;) But no. Seriously now. God's Love is no earthly love. You will never even find a perfect definition for it in this world. It's simply not translatable. It's not even fully understandable. God's Love is All-powerful, All-encompassing, All-Every Omni word there is. For God is Love. I have said that over and over again and yet I know people still don't understand how Powerful this kind of Love is. It does have the power to move mountains. It has the power to save lives. It's power alone has saved our own. For God so LOVED the world. Because God first LOVED us. LOVE your neighbor as yourself and Love God above ALL else - are the two Greatest Commandments. This is an important concept People! Far more important than predestination. Than baptism. Than any theological basis for the various denominations. THIS is THE Basis for EVERY Denomination. Or - it should be. Sadly - it is not. No - I hear people's talk of how to convict well or the idea of humility and how it's so important. Both of those things are important. But it's not the world that needs to understand those ideas. That's some bullshit that the Church has let go on for far too long now. The World needs LOVE. It Needs GOD's Love. Not yours and certainly not your ideas about how their handling their lives. If you still haven't understood that The Church is Driving people Away from the Cross - than you - are. A. Fool. And blind to your own sin to boot. You, with your deep understanding of theology and college degree need to learn the basics of God's Law. You who feel superior to the stripper barely making money to feed her coke habit that is what keeps her feeling the pain of Complete Hopelessness and Brokenness of her very soul. You who see the man asking for money on the street and wonder what went wrong in his life that he has lost so much dignity he must "debase" himself in such a way. You who see a young mother with her screaming children in a grocery store - as she cusses them out and they make no qualms with the filth coming out of their young mouths - you see her and avert your eyes. You avoid that aisle and cover your children's ears. Oh - you poor and wretched FOOLS. Have you learned nothing in those fancy colleges? Have you learned nothing from your fancy churches? From your upright and privileged families? They are Each Precious in God's eyes. They are just as Valuable as you are. And honestly - they're better off in many ways. It is easier for a poor man to enter Heaven than a rich one. Why is that do you think? The root issue is not wealth my dear sinners. It is pride. The rich. The wealthy. The privileged. Those who grow up safe and happy honestly - they also grow up not needing the Lord. Not to the degree of someone who has Nothing. You want your children to be happy. You want your children to be safe. You want your children to have their heart's greatest desires. You also want them to grow to know the Lord and have a deep relationship with Him. I'm sorry my friends - but raising your children to rely on you for safety. Raising them to rely on money for security. Raising your children to guard their hearts against pain and suffering - you are turning them Away from our Lord and Savior. You are raising them with the idea that they have some kind of control over their fates. Do you see how foolish that is? It is when we are weak that God can use us the Best. He cannot use someone who thinks that he or she can control their own destiny. Because none of us can. You will set your child up for failure by over-protecting them. You will set yourself up for failure as well. Only God can protect us. And that brings us back to my original point. God Loves us and many would say those who Love you would never let anything hurt you. That's not God people. And hurt is not always a bad thing for sinful people like ourselves. Often hurt drives people into God's waiting arms. I do not believe God wants us to hurt, but neither did He want us to leave Him in Eden. We chose to disobey and we were duly punished. This hurt we do to ourselves and to each other. God let's it happen, it's true. But I do not believe He does so easily. It is with a Heavy Heart I know - that He watches when I silently scream in pain. I also know He gathers all my tears and for every one He bestows a blessing for me. Whether I receive these blessings now or in Eternity - it doesn't matter. Better is OneDay in His Courts than a thousand elsewhere and that promise I cling to with my heart, soul and mind. OneDay this pain will be gone, but God has not taken it away now, nor will He I believe - for it teaches me much. It is a thorn in my flesh that I beg Him to remove - but I also see the necessity of having - even if the pain sears with every move I make. Even though the Pain causes me to cry out and fall - I get up and I keep going. That is what my Man's Love has given me - strength. There is NOTHING that can keep me away from my God. Nothing. I will follow Him wherever He will go. Even when I see that the path is full of jagged rocks and I am barefoot - I go forward. Knowing that it will hurt. I walk onward and I tears fall as the sharp edges begin to cut my feet. I cry out when I stumble and fall and I go forward on my knees. But I continue forward because I know what is ahead. I Know with Every Fiber of my Being what the view is and I am SO Excited. I feel the Pain and it's Worth It. And God is at my side, showing every step I should take - showing me the Way. Each one that brings me closer to His Kingdom and through this Pain-filled path called Life. And He feels every cut. He feels every bruise. He shares my pain through His Son. There is no other who can empathize with us the way Christ can - for He took all our pain, not just our sin - on His back. He took the Full Brunt of the World's Suffering and He healed it. Not in our timeline. It may be Finished, but the war is not over just because it has been won.  As God is outside of time - this is difficult to grasp and often incredibly frustrating and obnoxious in my opinion. But there it is. We still need to fight - but that is why we don't need to worry. At all. Because the outcome is sure. Now we just need to follow God and endure. And again - bringing my mind back to the beginning. God Loves me - this I Know. For - the Bible tells me so. And it also tells me that God never intended me or any of His Children to be comfortable here. This is not our Home. And if your eyes are open - you should see it as anything but. You certainly shouldn't be plotting out a 10 year plan involving a family, home ownership, retirement and a happy death in your sleep. Golly day - what is wrong with you? You think your life is about YOU? You poor, sad fool. Your life is to bring Glory to God. Your work will Never be done and if you are comfortable - that is an easy sign you aren't following Him as you should be. Following God is rarely easy. How often have I followed Him - knowing I would end up in tears? Knowing I would end up on the floor silently screaming until I could scream no more? After the last post - I went for a walk. I did not make it home before I was wracked with Pain. And I knew that would happen, but I knew I needed to do it also. And there was much Good that came out of it, including that I was able to get home after I screamed and that I have never been able to do before. Although - and I rarely call people out like this - but I need to clarify that God can use anything for Good. He can mend even the Most Shattered Soul. But that Does NOT give you license to break it. Just because I tell you how God used my Pain for Good - doesn't mean He should have needed to. Many of you take too much pleasure and even encourage me to go through Pain alone. You turn away from me when I need help because you know I will turn to God and He will help me. Stop this Nonsense at Once. There was a point when I needed to turn to God for Everything because I didn't trust Him. I only trusted a few individuals that have changed throughout the years. This is no longer true and you are a Fool to think it is. I Trust God more than ANY other - certainly more than myself. He has been asking me for quite some time now to trust people again - as I stopped trusting you all. And I try. And. You. Fail. I tell you the Good. I praise you for the ways you are Amazing. For you are. You also hurt me regularly with your immaturity. Whether you be 20 years old or 60 - I absolutely confounded by your inability to grow up. I understand why - that's why it's so easy to forgive you. You have no reason to grow. You are safe. You do not need reasons to understand. And honestly - I don't want you to be able to emphasize. The idea of y'all hurting the way I do is the quickest way to blasphemy for me. And so I typically suck it up and forgive you before you ever knew how stupid you were. I also remember that y'all are going through your own shit that you simply don't talk about. Speaking of which - just because you are hurting and it seems trivial next to mine or someone else's - Does NOT mean your Pain is trivial. A heartbreak is a heartbreak. And the first one is always the Worst, even if it was simply your highschool crush that never amounted to anything. When you live a comfortable life - free of stress, free of guilt, free of Pain - when those finally enter your life it's gonna be hella hard no matter how old you are. And just because you Know people have it worse and logically it doesn't make sense to be upset - doesn't mean you shouldn't be. And it certainly does more harm than good to pretend you're not when you are. God cannot help you if you won't admit you're struggling. Even if you're "only" struggling with the fact that your 7th grade crush never looks your way even though you strategically place yourself in the hallway where your paths cross every school day in second period. Or was it third? I no longer remember ;) But although I don't remember his face all that well - or even why I had a crush on him - I do remember that sting of loss when we moved to NC and I never saw my childhood crush again. But then I "fell in love" with my first boyfriend at 16 years old. I call it puppy love now - for we were young and foolish. He broke my heart and that was the first time I felt that level of Pain. I'll never forget it. It was a hole so big I felt like nothing could fill it - so I go another boyfriend and the cycle began. It is not the Pain that ruins people's lives - it's how we handle it. We Must turn to God. We must also Trust in His ways and not the way we would like to see a situation handled. Often the easiest path is not the Best path. And many times it is the path that hurts the Most - that is the path God is leading us down. For at the end is healing. At the end is Peace. Rest. And as we struggle down the path - there is Hope. There is Faith. There is Goodness. You just need to keep your eyes open for it. Just as you don't look down when crossing a rope-bridge in and Indian Jones movie - neither do you turn your face from God's. Don't pull a Peter and look away from Jesus at the terrifying waves of Life. Keep your eyes on Christ. With every step you take, no matter how painful - don't look away. Look for Him. Look for God. Look for the Good in Every Situation. It is there. For God is there. Listen! This is Important. Do not glance over these words as if just because you've heard them before you do not need to hear them again. We need to hear this daily. We need to be reminded Daily of what God has done for us. For we are a Forgetful people. One day we turn to Him and the next we boast of the accomplishments of our own life without giving credit where it's due. You are Nothing without God - you can do Nothing without God. Don't forget that or I will be forced to remind you and I truly do hate posting these. But it's needed. God has me understanding how much my words are needed. Why mine? If you have to ask - then you haven't been listening. If you don't understand why I have the right to convict you all - then you still haven't even begun to understand me and the majority of people who make up our society. You with Pride as a root sin - you are the minority I'm afraid. The majority of our world is made up of people who have a root sin of fear. Both will turn a person away from God in similar ways - but both are very different in how they need to be addressed. You prideful people need to be humbled. You need to be convicted by the fearful. The fearful ones? We need to Trust in God and then in you - the prideful ones. Despite the fact that you will hurt us and we well know it. Both of these sins take courage to address. And the deeper the sin - the more strength you will need from God to overcome it. My sin is great. I fear the World. I am pretty friggin Terrified of Christians. And I am still regularly scared of God. And so God has been giving me the strength I need to fight this sin. He did not heal me of it. I do not believe that miracles can't happen, but I do not believe there are many cases where it is beneficial to a sinner to take the sin away with the snap of God's Majestic Fingers. I am overcoming my sin with God's help, but it is taking time. It is taking a Great Deal of Patience. And above all - it is taking a Strength I have never possessed. It is taking a Godly amount of Strength. And with God's own Strength I can overcome even my most painful of memories. I can replace them with new ones of dancing in the rain. He has even helped me heal a trigger memory. I didn't know that could be done. I knew one could learn to live with them - I did not believe they could be healed. But this is God and His Strength. With God against me - who could stand against me? Certainly not a trigger noise or even a painful memory. Thank You my God for this Strength. Thank You my Lord for your Love. Thank You for not just healing me - but Growing me. I may hate You for it many times - but I am learning to be Grateful even in the Pain. I love you the best I can and it's still not enough. #OneDay I will Love as You do. I pray that day comes swiftly and that Your Glory be seen through me even though I am a Broken and Imperfect Tool. Please use me anyways. Though I be a hammer and I am pounded in the process. Even though you may need to use me as a saw and cut through the sins of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don't care how You use me Lord - save that You do. For it wasn't until I found my purpose in You that I even cared to Live. It wasn't until I gave up hope int he world that I found Hope in You. And you will NEVER Leave me. You will NEVER Forsake me. When all else fails - You are my Rock. YOU are my Hope. You are my Deliverer. And I will follow You no matter where You go. I realize it wasn't that hard when I had nothing to leave behind. I had already lost Everything. I had Nothing Left when you picked me up, unconscious - beaten and battered in the gutter. Finally unable to fight you. You convinced me You were not the enemy - although You never should have had to. And all the while You have been healing me. Even though I call You wretched names and curse Your very Face as you cauterize my wounds. You take the abuse and You Love me anyways. You not only are healing me - but you are returning all that I've lost. Not just what I've lost. You're giving me back all that and more. Restoring in tenfold what I never could have gotten on my own. I see that and I thank You. I thank you for my home. For my possessions. For my family and friends. I thank you for the words I say and the things that I do that are So Kind they surely do not come from me, but the You-within-me. I do not thank you for being alive, but I thank you for my Life. If I mustn't be allowed Home yet - thank You for the Purpose You have given me here in this world and the Strength to serve You. I could go on and on and on. But I am sleepy and will soon become incoherent to all save You and myself. I will never be able to Thank You enough though my Yahweh. It's at times like these that I'm glad my mind doesn't shut down - I can go on praising Your Name like this for hours and it still wouldn't be enough. And with that I'll bid my audience adieu and God sings me to sleep with those Wonderful Lullabies I'm so fond of.