Women's Core Fear of Men

One of my most popular blog posts was Attention: Cary, NC - based on the difficulties of being a pedestrian in this town of Entitled Drivers. It's dangerous to walk around anywhere here in Cary.  Aye - there are Greenways...that close at sundown. People also typically drive and park to use those. In order for me to get to the closest ones to me, I still have to walk about 20 minutes. And while there are a good number of sidewalks throughout Cary, most of them aren't maintained well or are simply decorative. I have tripped countless of times and have learned which ones are best not to run on at all. And even when I am lucky enough to get to use a sidewalk somewhere - it switches from one side of the street to the other without any kind of safety feature! Add to that the majority of Cary sidewalks are unlit for sporadic distances it really is only best to walk them when the sun is up. But the main reason for fear is not sketchy individuals - it's not safe Mainly because of oblivious drivers. Most intersections don't have a crosswalk and even when they do - drivers do not heed them. They aren't used to pedestrians and the majority of scares I have walking places are crossing major intersections -on my turn!- because some asshole doesn't even notice me. They even have the audacity to honk at me as if I have no right to delay them 30 seconds on their 15 minute commute when my average commute is an hour. And that is why I wrote my original post. The honking. DO. NOT. HONK AT ME. I will Never be Ok with it. Period. And let me explain that Again for those who are new to my life. I'll use a nice example from last night to show you exactly how shitty it is to be an independent, single girl who loves to walk as much as I do.

People know I love to PokemonGo. Not as many know I am a solid, intense introvert. I need my alone time something Fierce. With two roommates, even as Awesome as they are - I rarely get it at home either. So I go for runs and walks often. I usually end up at a coffee shop or store or something to refresh and then head home or wherever I need to be next. It's a nice way to enjoy my alone time and PokemonGo has introduced me to a ton of cool places that are fun to hang when I just want to listen to my music and keep to myself. One particular place are the gardens by the Police Department, because it's safe. And because I am a night owl - I really enjoy late night shenanigans, but as a single girl - it's often impossible for me to go anywhere and have fun after 10pm by myself. So finding these gardens was really a Godsent. I also made sure to find a safe route to them as well as a charged phone and my mace in hand any time after the sun sets. I usually only get cat-called, which is bad enough. But I've said it before. It only takes one man, one man who's a little too intoxicated. One man who's a little crazier than the rest. One man who's angry at life. It only takes -- One.

I can't tell which one it could be. I can't even see well with my glasses, so I can't even read their expressions OR see if I even know them half the time. Oh - btw - in Cary, the sketchiest and most likely to try to get me to go home with them are the ones in the real nice cars. So as much as I love a sleek corvette or a gorgeous mustang - I avoid looking at them at all costs when they drive by. And day or night, men drive past me and honk. They catcall. They jeer. They squeal their tires and peal out to get my attention. Some girls think this is cute. They probably don't have as much experience with it as I do. Often that is all guys will do, but then there are the men who slow down and offer me a ride. That's why I always walk towards traffic if there is an option. Guys don't have an easy time doing that then. They still will though. They'll pull up a neighborhood down from me and wait for me. Friends do this also, which makes it even scarier - as much as I appreciate it when my friends do it. I get closer and closer to the car and I don't know if it's a stranger or a friend. And as often as friends will randomly stop to pick me up - strange men still outnumber them.

Vice Social Experiment

And what do I do? You would have to know the man to know the best route to get them to leave you alone. Every man is different in how he needs to be rejected without getting angry or upset. Ignoring them is Definitely NOT the best option. That makes most men incredibly angry. Neither is saying anything to them. That is usually seen as encouragement. Typically your best bet is to just walk by, meet their eyes as you do and nod amiably, but pretend to be completely oblivious. Also why I always have my earbuds in whether I'm listening to music or not. I can always pretend I couldn't hear them asking if I want a ride. Many girls have a righteous anger when it comes to this. "Just tell them to fuck off!" I hear many girls(and men) tell me. Because I'm not a Fool people. Well - normally I'm not.

It does anger me and I have told men to fuck off. The results have proved disastrous. Last night was a prime example. I left the house rather late - 11:30. But it was Friday night and I wanted to go sit by the fountains and enjoy the four pokemon lures that are pretty much always present there. I was happy and I grabbed my purse and keys, put my music in and started walking the safest route I know in Cary. Lit the entire way, in constant use and frequently patrolled by police - it's become fun to walk even at night. I stopped having panic attacks just a couple months ago on my daily runs when guys would honk or catcall me and being able to walk a safe route after dark has been a big, exciting step. Or, it was I guess. I don't know when I'll be able to get the courage back to walk it again.

A guy honked at me. I flicked him off as has become my response to people doing this. I figure nobody should honk at women walking places and therefore be it friend or foe - you are gonna get my middle finger to understand exactly how distasteful this practice is to me. I kept walking and didn't think much of it until he turned around and pulled up offering me a ride. My heartrate spiked and I adjusted the mace in my hands. I snapped at him that I didn't need one. No cursing. I was just scared. I turned my music up after that and kept my eyes low on my shadow. Good thing about shadows - often with sidewalks lamps, the shadows are such a way that I can see people before they get to me. It's a good thing to watch when you're paranoid. And I thought I was just being paranoid. I thought I heard more honking and such. A guy pealed out at some point near me. I just kept walking with my eyes down and occasionally digging the keys into my hand so I would keep moving. I figured once I calmed down everything would be normal again. After another incident at the stoplight I took a moment to hide around a corner at a shopping center to vent my frustration. I kicked a trashcan, yelled and then cried for a bit while I caught a pidgey that was being difficult. It got away and made me laugh, so I came out of hiding and kept walking. I was scared but finally calming down.

I was just hitting downtown Cary after my rather slow jaunt when that guy was there again. The same guy. I'm not sure if he was going back and forth down the street trying to get my attention. But he was certainly angry with me at this point. He yelled something at me and I flicked him off and yelled fuck you back at him. He pealed out angrily. It was not my proudest or my smartest moment. I was absolutely terrified was my only excuse. And it was definitely stupid. He had to have been following me for 20+ minutes but could no longer because there was a construction barrier up for cars. However I could and did and I didn't leave. Every guy I saw scared me then. I didn't even know if he had parked and gotten out to come after me on foot. I could see his car in the dark with my crappy eyesight, but not his face - so I didn't know if any of the men walking around were him. And with construction shutting down for the night, lights were going out and there were a lot of dudes walking around. In the end I sat in an extremely well it spot behind the barrier and called a girlfriend to come take me home. I was close to hysterics and knew the night was only going to get far worse if I tried to walk with that level of fear. She came and took home. She held me as I cried, ranted on men and sent me inside after I calmed down to eat a cookie. A far better result than many of these incidents.

For I have many of these stories. This is not unusual at night or in the day. It is a scary part of being a woman. One of my girlfriend's rants that made me feel better about being scared, was that men's top fear in regards to women is being laughed at. What's women's? Being raped and murdered or both. You see my passion for the differences between men and women. One of the biggest - is the consequences. A woman goes crazy, she'll likely hurt herself or hurt herself trying to hurt someone else. A man goes crazy? People die. That's probably why guys have a better lock down on that shit. If I lose my cool and hit a guy he will probably just think I'm cute and end up wanting to date me. If a guy does that? I'd end up hurt or seriously injured. Men have to learn very early on to control their tempers because whether we like to admit it or not - we females are pretty fragile. Our bodies are typically much more breakable. It's one of the reasons our minds are such excellent weapons for defense as well as offense. They have to be. If a guy got so angry he couldn't hold onto his rage - a woman needs to be able to know how to calm him down. Pinning him to the ground till he cools off is not an option for most of us.

And while there's absolutely No Way to 100% be able to avoid these situations - preventative measures are still the best bet. As in - don't flick off random guys and certainly don't yell fuck you at them without backup. Even with backup - probs not your best bet. But seriously now. Don't ignore the danger - even in Cary. Alone, as a girl is simply not safe anywhere. We may be adults - but the buddy system is still a very valuable safety feature. A phone, mace, even a whistle are smart to carry when walking around. But above all - Trust. You must Trust in God. He knows I trust Him. He knows that although I'm now terrified of being raped and painfully murdered, if that was to happen - I Trust Him with the fallout. God is not the one who sends evil after us. He is the One Who takes evil and Utter Brokenness and turns it into something Beautiful. He is the only One who can do this.

That is why a baby born of rape is often so cherished and so therapeutic for many women. Because that is the Good that came out of Evil. There is Good in every situation - you just have to find it. If you're having a hard time - ask God to be more clear. He doesn't have to, but often He will. Sometimes it is simply because we asked, that He does so. He kinda loves it when we stop being so foolish as to think we can do it on our own and finally turn to Him. Particularly with the little things. Many times I think that's why He answers the small requests the most - because those are the ones we rarely ask His help with. But remember. God never promised to keep us physically safe. In fact - He warned us of quite the opposite as a follower of Christ - we will be persecuted. Not just by men - but by Evil. However - we are Promised something Far Greater. Something that is even worth being raped and tortured for. For better is OneDay in His Courts than a 1,000 elsewhere. And that is a Promise I treasure more than ANY other.

Even this Beautiful Disney Moment