I want to be. I desperately desire some, like my husband - to value me as preciously as God does.
But that is not to be. As this is a Broken World, filled with Broken People.
And the Desire to be Valued by others is not a bad thing, if we understand that this cannot be fulfilled by others who are as we are. Only God can fill that need. Thus - the longing to be Incredibly Special is intended and met by Him Alone. Or we perish in Loneliness.
I struggle with this Immensely. I want my husband to see me as the Most Beautiful Creation God has ever given him. But guess what - I can be fairly/Incredibly Difficult and Utterly Exhausting. Surprise Surprise. And that doesn't exactly make for fond feelings at times.
To an extent - I wish my friends to see this value too. I want them to appreciate me, to want me around. But this is not always the case. And it's not even necessarily about me. But it can still be hard to not take things personally when close friendships form that I am not a part of.
But I find that what I wish, above all - when it comes to my value as a person - that I wish to be appreciated for the Gifts God gave me. I mean, who wouldn't? But that isn't necessarily how it works here. And God has given us many, many warnings that quite the Opposite is what we should expect.
Persecution is a Big word. It conjures images up of prison and martyrdom. Google's definition does little to help this:
"hostility and ill-treatment, especially because of race or political or religious beliefs."
It doesn't make us think of our friends and family, of those closest to us. It doesn't make us think of "good" people, of our church and other Christians. And yet - that is where the Pharisees lie, the ultimate persecutors of Jesus, Himself. That is where Broken People are, those who loved, followed Christ, but turned on Him in His final days. And of course, those who denied our Savior out of fear, who were unable to stand up for what they Truly Believe in.
All of us can find ourselves in any of these camps at times, or even thriving in one for far too long. It should not be a surprise that we are persecuted by each other, that we treat each other with hostility and ill-treatment. We are not perfect. And even a desire for Sanctification can not earn us perfection in this Lifetime.
But Sanctification does bring Awareness. It brings Love. It invites God into every situation, wanting Him to fix what we screw up. Because we do. Constantly.
I do not Love as I should. Neither do those around me. We do not treat each other with the Value God gave each of us. We often care more about being Right, than showing Grace. We care more about not being Hurt, than being Kind.We care more about Living in this World, than Following God throughout this Lifetime.
I look forward to the day this all changes. That Jesus Christ comes back and makes all things New.
But that is not now. Now is when I accept that Following God does not mean being Appreciated. Living like Christ, sure as hell, does not mean going where you are Wanted. We are to go where He sends us, and He will send us where we are NEEDED. Sometimes we will be Welcomed with Praise and Admiration. But mostly - we will not.
I am under no delusions that what I write is stomached easily. These are not concepts I wish to grasp myself. But as I have said many many times - I didn't get a choice in learning them. But I do get a choice in sharing the harsh realities of being a Christian. I dislike that God has pushed me onto this path still. I hurt when my words are dismissed or belittled. But still, I have no qualms with telling anyone that the Church uses the Bible to bar it's doors to others. I am well known for saying that there are far more people in this world who are not against Christ, but are against Christians.
It's sad to think people won't come to Church because of Persecution, isn't it? It's depressing to watch many leave because they can't handle it, searching for a place to worship where this doesn't exist. I have so many times wished to jump on that Unicorn Search myself. But the realities of this World mean that Persecution is everywhere, and especially in the Church. I mean, that does only make sense though. Where Christ works, Persecution follows. And the Church is His Bride.
But it's not enough to say that as Christ's Bride we will be persecuted just as He was. That is a reality. But should never be the Focus. Our Focus should be on our BrideGroom. He is there - Loving us, as nothing else can. He is there, with Value in His eyes - the kind we will perish without. He is there with Grace and Mercy for every mistake. He is there saving us from every pain and folly, healing our wounds, inflicted or received.
We must not turn away from Him. We must not let fear, anger or bitterness overwhelm us by taking our eyes off Him.
Stay the Course.
Focus on what matters. The Big Picture.
Remember - we are Children of God. And that is Beyond WorthIt.
