For those women who #Jiggle like normal human beings tend to do. No one's body is perfect. I have more stretch marks than the average mom with 2-3 kids due to my inconsistent, rapid weight gain and loss through the years. I like to think of the ones on my belly as pretty though. When they first came, they were bright red streaks that looked like a fire tattoo racing up my body. I called it my fire belly. Now it's more like lightening since the streaks have turned to white :) .
Wear and tear on our bodies through the years - it can be good and bad. But no matter if you have stretch marks, crow's feat aka. laugh-lines :D , a permanent furrow etched between your brows, or scars criss-crossing your wrists - they're all reminders of the life you've led. And that's a sample of some of the wear&tear on my own body btw. Of course, the happy reminders are easier to love, while the painful ones can be more difficult to be thankful for. But it's still possible.
Someone recently told me how they were able to be grateful for their own scars and I fell in love with what they said. They said that when they looked at these permanent reminders, they let themselves remember; not of the experience behind them, but that they survived it. Since then, I have learned to appreciate and even occasionally #Love my own ever-present reminders of events long past. They are reminders, that no matter how #Rough #Life gets, #God is there. Even when I gave up on me - He never did.
And honestly, if there is a way to be thankful for the Incredibly Noticeable marks declaring me to the world as a suicide survivor, there must be a way to be thankful for love handles and muffin tops. There is probably a way to be grateful for that mole we hate or a random birth mark. Those tattoos that seemed really good at the time, but maaaaybe not so much any more - I have hope for as well. The cigarette burns or that mark that we will never tell a soul the history behind - I believe it's possible.
We all have something we don't like about ourselves, if not everything. It is not vanity to want to be pretty. But it's unhealthy to not see that you already are #Beautiful. If you can't see that through your own eyes, then look at yourself through God's Eyes. If you still can't see how Gorgeous you are to Him, than the problem is not your appearance. No - the problem then lies much deeper than that.
I had to find this out the hard way. And for those who have only just met me, or seen only recent profile pics - scroll back further. Only now am I beginning to accept my new body image. I would be much happier with my 100+pounds back most days. And that's the truth. I never lost all that weight for looks. I did it in following God each and every day. I learned Long Ago that society's idea of good looks are Not what make a person happy. And having your ideal body weight won't necessarily give you confidence. In my experience - a "hott body" comes with a great deal of self-loathing and bitter hatred for myself. And it has been God, with the help of some of my girlfriends, who has helped me work through this fear of looking attractive whatsoever. I would still rather hide in a potato sack when I'm in public or around any men.
But God did that sneaky thing where I followed Him before I realized what He was up to. I started working out because it took the edge off the pain. I continued to work out when I realized I could get my independence back that I lost with my car. Over time it has given me the strength to manage the pain and to find joy in things I haven't been able to do in years - like softball, climbing trees, jumping up on counters, balance(in general), run(at all), etc. Although, truth is, these things I also didn't do for many other reasons: lack of confidence(Big One), lack of strength(cause even when I was this weight in the past - I had no muscle to work with), lack of wanting to live(ok - probs the Biggest One), etc, etc, etc...
The results of these work outs has effected my image greatly and honestly, I'm rarely grateful. When I was 200+pounds - I didn't get noticed when I didn't want to be. I didn't get venomous looks from other women. I didn't get backhanded compliments from them either. Neither did I get unwanted and cringe-worthy "compliments" from strange men that sent me into panic attacks or woke me up with nightmares from the flashbacks associated with those types of encounters. All these and more I get regularly now.
But even though I'm absolutely terrified to look even remotely like a girl these days, I trust God with this fear. I look to Him and try my best not to look away when I go in public wearing anything remotely pretty. You ladies who struggle with your body image may think I'm not being truly empathetic. And I don't know if this will help but
This is me. And while I won't lie and say my life was super great then. Neither was I as upset about my body as others seemed to think I should be. And while I enjoy the weight I am a Lot more than I did that one - as that was an uncomfortable weight for me in that it was actually painful. Everything always hurt and there wasn't much I could do physically. However - I was much more comfortable going out in public than I am now. Among strangers or friends, this weight is a lot more nerve-wracking than that one was.
A lot of people think I don't empathize real well with body-image struggles because I look semi-normal now. No - that's wrong. I have a hard time listening to people complain about their body image when I have been up to 300 pounds and down to 100. Then up and back down again. And again. And all in between. I have a hard time listening to complaints from people who struggle with issues that seem so trivial compared to those of my friends as well as myself who are marked with permanent disfigurements that set us apart as different, in a bad way. And honestly - this is wrong of me.
I have been convicted by this pretty hard. Having hatred for your body image is NOT a trivial matter. Whether you have scars or not. Everyone has reasons for why they loathe themselves and the Pain that results is Devastating - no matter whether your reason is the same as mine. I will be keeping each and every woman in my heart who struggles with their body image - which is pretty much all of us. And I ask you to keep me in yours as well. We are Beautiful - all of us. And we need to not only remember this - but remind each other. For - I have no doubt - we each need to be reminded. And often.
God created us, men and women. It's not a sin to see ourselves as Beautiful. Our bodies are Temples for the Spirit of God, Himself! And from the sermon series we are currently in the middle of - the original Temple was Pretty Friggin #Ornate.
If you are like me in that you do not know how to treat your body like a Temple, start by thanking God. For what? For anything you can think of. And over time you will be able to thank Him...for Everything. Even for things you could never be thankful for without Him. But of course, why would we ever want to separate ourselves from God? Even in the smallest areas of our lives? He is the Answer to Everything. From the most trivial or mundane questions of each and every day to the questions that unlock the Mysteries of the Universe.
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Heeheeehee
Yeah - it's late. I need to head to bed before I start sleepy texting.
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