A Ramble on President Trump and the Generation Gap...Or is it?

My dad shared this article on the current political topic going around. I don't like politics. I like election years even less. I did vote. I did not vote for Trump. My reasons are larger than two horrible choices, and I won't go into them now. This writer has attempted to do something that many will turn their noses up at. Don't do that.

He attempted to bridge the generation gap. He attempted to explain why SO Many are FOR Trump. Including my beloved grandfather. I don't agree, but I have this thing for Empathy. This weird and Incredibly Rare thing to try and put myself in another person's shoes. It's not easy. You have to put all of your own beliefs asides while you do so. You have to transport yourself to see things from their perspective, leaving your own Completely. It's uncomfortable and Hard.

After an empathy exercise - you Of Course believe what you believe and see through your own lens of experiences again. But if you succeed in empathizing - you will be able to understand better why others are the way they are and believe how they believe. You won't be able to be unkind or unloving to someone when you've tried to imagine walking a mile in their shoes. And this is typically why people refuse to try. They want to hold onto their "Righteous Anger". They don't want to be kind or loving to someone as "Horrible" as Trump.

Seriously? Then stop reading. Because you are just as bad as him with his lewd and crude comments. I Most Definitely am. All of us are Shitty Excuses for God's orinigal work. We EACH have sin. So shut your pie hole with any "I'm better than him" Shit. If you don't understand that you're just as bad - you need to explore some major pride issues. Golly day - Pride really does baffle me. Like - I understand how people who don't believe in Christ could have it. But the fact that Christians - who have the Friggin Word of God as their guide could possible believe they are better than another for reasons SO Silly. Seriously?

The ONLY Reason your Worth Diddly SHIT is because Christ Chose YOU. Not the other way around. Golly Day. Without the Trinity coming after us for reasons I cannot for the LIFE of me Fathom - we would ALL be going to Hell. You're not better than Trump. You're not better than Hillary. You're not better than the girl showing off serious cleavage or the guy with a sleeve who chain-smokes. You're not better than those who curse. You're not better than those who watch porn - or Even Star in it! The McDonald's Employyee is your sinful Equal, even with your degree and you fancy knowledge from your privleged spot at a university.

If you still don't grasp that - you're unwilling to let God open your eyes to what sin is Blinding you too.

And I certainly cannot make you see what you are unwilling to see.

But if you want God to take your blinders off.

If you want to Understand.

I would suggest this Empathy thing I go on and on about.

Empathy is a Big Deal. One I've often hark on because it will expand your sight and understanding to encompass more than your eyes could Ever See on their own. If you don't want to - that's between you and God. But - reading this article - it was hard at times for me. My Grandparents' generation had Many Flaws that I do NOT want to encourage. It also had Many Strengths - Strengths that we are losing or have already lost in Today's World.

But the Worst Part, to my mind - is the #GenerationGap. I have many friends who are several generations older than I. They are Wonderful People - once you close that Gap. And you can then see that they are often, very lonely. Many times they hide this very clichely, with anger and griping - but if you try this thing called #Empathy - it's not hard to see why.

Try reading up on the Depression Era. World War II. Don't go text book style. Find stories that are REAL. Photos that portray the stark brutality of that era. Seeing where people come from can easily be the beginning to understanding why people are the way they are.

And then maybe we can be less bratty about our new president.

I have always believed in Respecting the Presidential Position, regardless of whether I voted for them or not. I mean - it's that, move or start a revolution. But griping and fuming solves nothing except upsetting yourself. I know this from experience. If you vote for a civil uprising - I'll consider your position, but for now - I'm going to keep trying to see why so many are excited about Trump's Election to Presidency. Even just this article has put some of the puzzle pieces I already had together. Maybe it will help you as well...

What So Many Don't Get about the U.S. Working Middle Class

And if you're like me where Empathy has become a Passion that Enthralls you and you're constantly looking to why people are they way they are...you may have wondered why Dad and Grandpa are SO Big on Frugality. In their eyes(and mine now as well ;) t's silly to buy something when you can makeshift something from scraps around the house - or just borrow it from a neighbor. Here's a Blog/Podcast that explains this in a Fun Way through Some Depression Era Budgeting Tips:

http://melissaknorris.com/podcast-building-great-depression-era-pantry/

"During the Great Depression people lived on extremely frugal budgets. My father was raised during the Great Depression and it shaped the way he brought us up and lives today. Learning from those who have lived through hard times and their lessons is important. I share his tips and how to create a Great Depression era pantry with frugal tips and recipes."

http://melissaknorris.com/podcast-44-depression-era-tips-stretch-food-budget/

"When my mom was growing up sometimes they didn’t have groceries or food in the cupboard. I don’t mean not a lot, or just a little bit of food, but sometimes, nothing at all. Though my mother never remembers going hungry. My Grandmother did can Tarheel green beans, but they didn’t have a large garden beyond that living in town and the beans were sometimes eaten before the next harvest. Both sides of my family came from North Carolina and relied on the heirloom green beans we’ve saved and continue to grow and pass down to this day."

http://melissaknorris.com/podcast-40-8-depression-era-tips-savemoneynow/

"During the Great Depression people learned to make do with very little. We are so spoiled today in our modern society. I’m grateful we don’t know those times, but we take so much for granted. I love having a more frugal mindset because it makes us appreciate what we have more.

It seems so many of us (myself included sometimes) have an air of ungratefulness, that we’re owed things. Instead of grumbling about things we don’t like, if we look for something to be thankful, we’re much better off. I’ve been reading One Thousand Gifts *affiliate link by Ann Voskamp, and I’m implementing finding things every day to be thankful

When you’re looking for things to be thankful for, it changes your emotion and mindset to that of grateful instead of grumpy and frustrated. Look for ways to thank God every day for little blessings in little moments. I think that is something those who went through the Great Depression learned."

~*~ <3 ~*~

In the end, this Post is NOT about Trump. It's not even about a Generational Gap. It's about God. It's about finding Him and the GoOD in EVERY Situation.

This is but a Moment in Time. These next four or even eight years are Temporal.

God is Eternal.

Do not put your stakes in what is here and now. On what is constantly changing. You must cling to He Who NEVER Changes. A Tale Older than Time. A Rock on which to stand during an Emotional Tempest. SomeONE Who will NEVER Fail you. Who will LOVE you UNCONDITIONALLY.

Do NOT put your Trust and Hope in an individual of this world. NO matter who that is - you are only setting yourself up for Failure. You cannot put your Hope in any man. Not your president, but neither your pastor, not your husband, not your dad or brother. They will all fail you. It's a by-product of sin. It Sucks. But it's apart of this Life.

One day we will be free from sin. This World will be free as well. I cannot convey how much I'm looking forward to the day I don't fuck up anymore. They day I don't screw people over by accident or on purpose. They day the Pain is Completely Eradicated from my soul. I do Pray that the End comes Swiftly. For the End is Really the Beginning. And I'm SO Friggin EXCITED!

But until then - I will follow God and ask for His Vision wherever I go. I want to see the World as He sees it. For it may be full of sin - but HE still Created it. You can find His Signature in EVERYthing.

No matter where you look - God is already there. He creates, He molds, He fixes what we break, He transforms what sin twists. He can and will make ALL things Beautiful. It is in this I find my reason for living. To see God Transform me, others and the World into the Most Beautiful Works of Art you could EVER Behold.

Can you just Imagine?!

WoW

I am a Coward

I am a Coward. It's simple. I will do Anything and Everything to avoid Mental Pain. One of my Alltime Fvorite tv shows emphasizes a typical societal view on Emotional Pain versus Physical Pain...

Yes - I think this is Hilarious. It's also very, Very Wrong.

I am a coward, but if the definition of a coward was determined by a Stoic, I would be a BEAST. I am simply not afraid of Physical Pain. The idea of being shot doesn't scare me. If we were in Roman times I would make an Amazing soldier. If you looked at the things I've done...

I've gone down black diamonds in Colorado and laughed when I crashed - Hard. I'm an adrenaline junkie and if there's a challenge to be had in that arena - I have Never said No. From cliff-jumping to playing chicken in a car -- I've done it all. I could give two shits about my body. Not when it's such an easy pawn to use in retaining my sanity. In keeping the Emotional Pain at Bay. Tattoos and Piercings were used this way. Men were as well. Even a taser once.

Oh - you don't want to hear this? Boohoo - I'm not in the mood to hear your bullshit. Not if you laughed at that video and sure as Fuck not if you agreed with it. You obviously need to hear the realities of Emotional Pain because I'm sick and tired of people treating us like weaklings. I'm a Coward for Emotional Pain, the kind that you Could Not FATHOM.

You think you can empathize? Ok - Empathize.

Imagine what it's like to have a Pain SO Intense that you decide to end your life because you can't handle it. Oh - believe me, I know you've heard this before and it hasn't sunk in. So I'll make it more real for you.

There are men and women in this world who have Pain that goes so deep that they just quit Life. I remember the first time Clearly. I left work. I went home and popped pill after pill until my bath was cold - guzzling cough medicine on the side as I ate chips for the horrendous taste. When that didn't seem to be working - I got in my ugliest pairs of sweats, covered my seat with a towel to prevent a mess and calmly took a serrated knife to my arms for over half an hour, slicing them dozens upon dozens of times -  trying to get deep enough to hit a vein. It wasn't hard. I never cried out. I only let a couple tears fall when I saw that it wasn't working. They wouldn't bleed, not how I wanted them too. I remember despairing and trying harder and harder. I put a great deal of physical strength into my last attempt. It was the only one that needed stitches - about an inch deep and when the blood barely welled - that is when I let a couple tears fall as I realized that I couldn't even kill myself correctly. I had fucked up again. And the Pain from that was the only thing I felt - the only Pain I remember with a clarity that Hurts even now. I do not remember any physical pain whatsoever.

I remember Emotional Pain, physical pain does not even register as a blip in my memories. I remember Hurting SO Bad, my thoughts going at the rate of a tornado - spiraling up so High and Dangerous. It was terrifying and I am a Coward. So I walked to Cary Parkway. I waited. I saw lights from a car racing down the street at the late hour. I waited. And then I ran and stopped. I watched the car as it hit me. I braced myself for impact. I admit I was scared enough at the last minute that I twisted my body away from the car and it only hit my left side. My head hit the windshield. I fell to the ground and I remember despair that I wasn't hurt at all. I wanted it to knock me out. I wanted to stop Feeling, emotionally. And not even the physical pain from this even could stop the Emotional Pain from torturing me. All I wanted was for it to all stop. But banging your head against a brick or shower wall is only enough to ease the Pain for a little bit - it won't stop your thoughts. They just keep going and going and going...

Think about what I have said. Think about your reaction to that video clip. I find it humorous in a deprecating sort of way. Why do you? Do you think Physical Pain hurts more than Emotional Pain? Because honestly - I find sin in my life for thinking men are pussies with not only Emotional Pain, but physical pain as well. Last year - if you were to give me a gun and dare me to shoot myself in the foot - I could and probably would, depending on the stakes. I can brand myself, although I've only worked with boiling water for that type of physical pain. Physical Pain is NOTHING compared to Emotional Pain. The fact that you think that - just tells me you've never experienced this kind of PAIN. And I lose respect for you honestly. When I cry out because a piece of furniture drops on my foot or glass breaks and cuts me - are you really so oblivious to think I'm crying out from physical pain? Fool. I am crying out because I didn't catch it - because I failed.

Fuck.

I am disappointed in each and every one of you who still holds this fucked up view of life. I am double disappointed with anybody unwilling to try to empathize. Today I'm just Done. I'm tired of Idiots and Fools. I'm tired of confrontations and conflict. I'm tired of a year of growing and people still not understanding exactly where I was that wanting to LIVE, that dealing with the PAIN is a BIG Fucking Deal. I spent an entire Decade handling the Pain with physical pain, among other poor coping methods. Today I'm proud to say that I am FAR from where I was. I'm following God and I'm working my ASS OFF to Live like Jesus. And I am doing hella GOoD.

I don't have time for people who are unwilling to go through hard shit to follow God too. I sure as fuck did and still do. At least for today - I refuse to deal with y'all's shit. You are a modern day bully and the kind that is really just the Ultimate Pussy.

I admit I was a Coward and often still am. I ran away from the Pain and from God for a decade plus. But I am no longer running. I am turning to face it head on. Not only that - but I'm going Braveheart style on this Bitch. With God at my side - I know I will fucking have my Freedom. Not in this life - but the Next.

#LoveWhatMatters #FollowGod #GrowUp #DrinkMoreMilk

Random Thinking Session

I am constantly convicted of my lack of empathy for others. This is one of the hardest things for me to have pointed out by God, since it’s one of the things that frustrates me most about this world and our society. The lack of empathy we have for others; the inability to see from another person’s point of view or put yourself in their shoes frustrates me more than almost any other fault. And I do it. All the time. Bollucks. Why can’t we be perfect as soon as we become Christians again? No matter. So this particular #ShowerThinkingSession I was again thinking about the differences between men and women and that led to all sorts of unique aspects between individuals, regardless of gender, and why we are the way we are. Yes, this is my mind through every waking, and many sleeping moments. Course it goes about 100xs faster than this and bounces back and forth from subject to subject like a game of #HotPotato. But I digress.

We all have a tendency to want to be shown Love the way we understand it - which is typically the way we show it ourselves aka. #LoveLanguages (there are a whole bunch of books on this subject if this is not something you’ve heard of before). But it goes further than those 5 Love Languages we’re always talking about. As women, we have a tendency to think we aren’t loved by men if they don’t say “I Love you” as much as we’d like. If they don’t notice our new haircut or if we lost weight. We get upset when they used a coupon for a special night out or they bragged that our birthday gift was on sale. Those things don’t scream Love to us. They scream practicality which is the opposite of Love to many women.

But men aren’t women. They are men and I’m finally realizing that this often makes them different in ways I’ve never understood before. Being practical or logical or unobservant doesn’t mean they don’t love us - it just makes them men. I agree with the comedians who say women often describe their ideal mate as a woman - even when attracted to the male species, because we lack empathy to understand that their minds simply don’t work the same way as ours.

1:01:30 - 1:03:50

Course, men have this same misunderstanding themselves. Guys - you tend to dismiss an issue if it doesn’t make sense to you. I often see a superiority complex in men when they look at a problem and then decide if it’s worth their time to help, depending on how important it would be to Them. And if it’s not a problem in their eyes after a good bit of logical programming from their brains, then obviously it shouldn’t be to anyone else. And they will typically only change their minds if you can provide sound reasoning of Why it is indeed, an actual problem. Yeah - I’m sure the women are all feeling as exasperated as me at this point.

But, in the ends, it’s just a different hard-wiring system each of our sexes have. Men are logical and women are emotional. Neither is wrong and in trying to force someone to handle the world the same we do isn’t right and can lead to unhealthy results. We fit together with these two very different views of the world and life. But when we refuse to see how we are different in this regard, we are more like magnets that repel each other. Understanding the differences between our genders and, really, empathy in general - is what can often flip the magnets around to draw two people together. Opposites Attract is a very true idiom in this sense.

And I'm not even saying necessarily towards marriage or even between a man and woman. Love is Love. And as God is Love - you have Him and you can learn to Love anyone the way He loves us. We just tend to twist things as human beings. But One Day we will Love as He does. And in the New World, there will be no marriage because that is simply a restriction placed on us due to our Total Inability to Love each other in a 100% Completely Pure and Godly way. One day we will not have that restriction and we will not need it. We will #Love as God does. I’m looking forward to this more than even being Free from Pain. #One Day <3

Coup de Grace

A coup de grâce (/ˌkuː də ˈɡrɑːs/; French [ku də ɡʁɑs] for "blow of mercy") is a death blow to end the suffering of a severely woundedperson or animal.^[1][2] It may be a mercy killing of civilians or soldiers, friends or enemies, with or without the sufferer's consent.

Examples of coup de grâce include shooting the heart or head (typically the back of the skull) of a wounded, but still living, person during an execution or by humanely killing a suffering, mortally wounded soldier, in war, for whom medical aid is not available. Other examples include the officer leading firing squad administering a coup de grâce to the condemned with a pistol if the first hail of gunfire fails to kill the prisoner or a beheading to quickly end a samurai's agony after seppuku.

*Courtesy of Wikapedia*

I never liked the concept of Euthanasia.

"Termination of life by a doctor at the request of a patient"

Not for the reasons many have issues with it however.

The idea of asking someone to help end my life makes me shudder.

I mean, that will scar them for duration of their own life...in one way or another.

I can't imagine putting ANYone through that, friend or foe.

The result would no longer be worth it.

Knowing I finally was able to escape the pain and suffering of this world,

but only because I had added to it ten-fold for another?

No, that's not worth it to me. Not even slightly.

I would rather continue to be tortured than ask that of someone.

I'd rather hand my assailants their weapons and say thank you for the wounds.

than give them another victim in my place.

If you haven't figured it out by now, my instinct is to take people's pain.

No matter the form - 

I would rather add more wounds to my own body than allow someone else to be mutilated.

Especially someone I love.

But that doesn't mean I don't wish for coup de grace.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish for God to deliver a mercy blow.

I don't know why people always think I'm exaggerating about this.

I've discussed it with a couple people and they all say it boils down to empathy.

People can't relate and would really rather not.

Instead, they will dismiss my words as exaggeration.

While etymology has always been a passion of mine, semantics has become incredibly important to me because of how often I'm seen as the boy who cried wolf.

I have been working very hard at choosing my words carefully for a while now.

So let me think about how to phrase this...

I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE

This place, this world, this life. I want it over. I want it finished. I want it Done.

That's the truth.

That's not an exaggeration.

I believe in Heaven, I believe there is an eternity waiting for me after this life.

I cannot tell you how much I look forward to a new life, a new body and mind devoid of Pain!

And I would have no problem killing myself in order to hurry this process if I respected God any less.

In this case, I respect His Power.

He has insisted I am needed here whether I like it or not, as evident by the numerous times I have already attempted suicide and been told it was a Stupid MIRACLE I survived.

But let me make this very clear for those incredibly stubborn Asses.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE

I am not alive because I want to be, I am alive because I need to be.

Although I do have an incredibly hard time understand what God needs me for.

I'm sure it's another issue with empathy, on my part definitely.

But I simply cannot Fathom the idea of needing to "humble myself".

Not in the ways I so often hear this phrase used.

While I do understand humility and it's importance, as well as the issue of pride.

For me, that typically means wanting to control my life, not because I think I'll do it well.

But because giving control of your life to another being involves a great deal of trust.

And, in the past, I have made the mistake of trusting the wrong people with it...

The results speak for themselves.

I have only just begun trusting God with my life.

But that doesn't mean life is suddenly all hunky dory.

No, I have too many issues with trust to know how to do it properly.

Right now, trusting is often enduring the pain.

Even when it drives me down to the ground, begging for a mercy blow.

Right now trusting means when I'm in the shower and it begins to hurt -

Instead of beating the wall with my fists till their bruised in bloody -

I choose to lay with my forehead pressed against the bottom of the tub and silently scream until I can scream no more.

I lay there as the shower rains down until I am in danger of passing out and drowning.

The trip from the shower to my bed is harder than any of my winter runs.

Letting the darkness claim me as I lose consciousness - is my reward.

You can think that's an exaggeration or a strongly worded paragraph for effect.

It's not.

How many times have I covered up the marks from losing it?

How many times have I walked out of a place so people wouldn't see my pain?

How many times have I found ways to ease my private suffering in public that didn't draw attention,

but left small bruises for days.

And those are just the physical scars.

They do not even begin to portray the scars in my mind.

I know many understand.

I know many relate.

And I know it's never talked about.

I know we're taught to suppress our pain, which often causes it to pressurize instead...

And eventually explode.

You have NO Idea how good I am at suppressing my emotions.

NO Idea about how often I wear an incredibly realistic mask.

My mask does not scream that I have my life together.

No, my mask says "I'm fine. I'm not in pain."

When all I want to do is go somewhere and lose it.

Perhaps you think I'm exaggerating again.

Or maybe you have been scared by me, because you feel you have seen me in pain.

Both are wrong.

I could sit here all day trying to make you understand this the way I'd like to...

but an explanation about my natural ability for isolation exercises is not the solution.

And I'm attempting to let God run this show.

I cannot force you to see more than you are willing.

If you are stuck on being blind to the Pain in this world.

If you are too stuck on your own pain to see that there are others with pain as well...

You are walking towards a crevice you can't see in this state.

And you are going to fall.

We are all the same and we are all unique.

We all have pain...and it is all very different.

Right now my path on this Pilgrim's Progress involves scaling a very steep cliff.

The hand and footholds are made of broken glass that bite into my flesh as I climb.

My whole body screams to give up.

Even my head is too weak to look up for an end to my journey.

I am beyond exhausted and it wasn't till this past weekend that I finally had a chance to rest.

I wouldn't call it a vacation and even a sabbatical sounds like more fun.

 This was like finding a thin shelf to lay down on for a moments breath.

It was a place to gather my courage and my strength and brace to begin climbing again.

I wouldn't call it a peaceful rest as my wounds did not magically heal,

but before I began to climb again...I looked up.

I saw my destination and hope flared anew.

I KNOW what's at the top and I will not give up till I make it.

There are moments when I see why this world is worth it.

There are times when I understand God's plan for Eden -

When I catch glimpses of it all around me.

I Know it's at the top of this cliff -

The understanding of why the pain is worth being alive.

And the excitement of not only believing and having faith that it is.

But seeing it for myself - hastens my climb.

Even as my hands and feet shred from my journey.

Even as a tear escapes I keep my eyes on Him.

For even if I never make it, even if I never see the view in this lifetime...

He is with me.

He is worth the climb, even if I never make it to the top.

And so, I keep going.