Well - that's what our Bible Study is working on, but we haven't gotten through entire book yet, so I don't have the Big Picture answer yet. But I do have an answer. Maybe not for Job, himself, but for us. I see no point in the Bible if you cannot make it applicable. And it always can be. Maybe not every part, every day - although I personally think that is possible - but nevertheless, application is Essential. And Job, frankly is easy. Even if you've not lost it all like I have. Think for a moment. What would happen if you did? Obviously - it's possible. So, actively think for a moment. Yeah - it's gonna suck, but this is Important. Think.
If you woke up, the day simply like any other, rolled up to work with your coffee only to find an email waiting for you on your work computer. You have a little set aside, and the severance will help - but your heart is dropping at the thought of how you're going to get by, particularly since the air-conditioning just broke. You drive home, your heart in your stomach at the thought of telling your wife who is currently expecting twins. On your way home fire engines rush past you. You pull over to let them by and then continue. You get closer to your house and have to pull over again as an ambulance rushes past as well. You are curious now, because they are all headed your direction. And then you pull onto the scene. It's not a neighbor they are all rushing towards - it's your house. Your mind has already been sent into a panic. Where's your wife?! Where's your dog? The house - what happened to your home?! But it's gone. Fire took it all. You rush to the hospital to find your wife comatose and alive, but the twins didn't make it. You have no extended family to call. You leave your wife in the hospital and head back to the house to see what you can salvage. Your friends join you there - they offer their condolences and offer any help they can give. You say your fine - you have some savings and trust they will last until you find another job. But you don't. Your wife and you crash at friend's houses as you search and search for a job. But then you are stricken with the flu, which turns into pneumonia. Any interviews you had lined up are no longer possible as you cannot even speak without coughing up a lung. And then your savings are gone. Any remaining pride left you when your car was repossessed and you had to ask a friend you barely new for cab fare to get to the doctor's office. The bills are piling up. Your wife is in a deep depression and you are at your wits end with how you will get through this. What now?
Do you ever think about this? It's doubtful. But you really should. Because it's not just Job that this happens to. Anyone can lose it all, even in the blink of an eye. And then what? I'll tell you - you survive. Day-by-Day you survive. You learn how to accept help. You learn the True Worth of Life. And that is more complex than many know. And what had me thinking in the shower - You learn your own Worth.
I ask you - where do you find your value? Me. I find I was only worth something when I was helping others. If I wasn't making people smile or giving assistance. If I wasn't productive at work or around the house - than I was of no use to anyone. If all I could do was Take but never Give - then I was as Worthless as I believed in the deepest part of my soul. It took me years to understand that is not where my worth lies. I still Love to help others. I Love to LOVE. I find Great Joy in making another laugh, in being the one who is able to help in a way no other could, or maybe would. But that is no longer where I find my worth. Because - for a while - I couldn't.
For a while I didn't have the ability to help at all. All I could do was Take and Take and Take. I cannot convey how Completely Humbling that is. Have you ever gone to a Birthday Party and while everyone is paying for the Birthday Boy's meal - he is paying for yours? Or having people offer you the leftovers on their plate because they correctly guess that you might not have eaten much because you can't afford to go grocery shopping yet. You know what it's like to have to ask for a ride everywhere? To have to set up rides and backup rides if your ride falls through? To not have a ride and have to Trust God that it will work out?
It took me years to find joy in asking for help from others. Initially - all I found was Complete Humiliation. But it's funny how God can turn things around, in His own way and unique to each individual. As I am all into relationships - it started with furniture and clothing. Yup. I finally had a house to make into a home again and I needed things. Things like a bed and dishes and much more. When one family gave me an entire bedroom set as well as anything and everything I could want for a kitchen - I was near tears, I was SO Grateful. And then they brought out a Keebler Cookie Jar they just wanted to give me because it was dear to them and they wanted me to have it. It took me a long moment to get my emotions under control again. I'm crying now from happiness as it sits in a prominent position in my dining room. Woman after woman came by my house with big and little things - things to make my house a home. Strangers heard the story and were so moved by my joy - they ended up giving me barstools they remembered they had in a shed! Every day I saw how God used my need to bring me closer to others and all parties closer to Him. It was Beautiful.
When I started working out and dropping weight crazy fast - I had women offer me hundreds of dollars worth of clothes and accessories. To this day - I get SO Excited to tell them when someone liked a dress or shirt they gave me. I brag about my hand-me-downs because they were given with Love - and frankly - they are Beautiful! It's become a common occurrence to come home to find a bag of things on my porch, anonymous gifts that never fail to bring tears of Gratefulness to my eyes and Praise to my lips for the Father who has sent me such Amazing friends.
I can Honestly say that I am able to enjoy receiving help from others. I will also admit I still do not enjoy asking for it. It's still hella fucking hard. But I do it. I will also admit that there are some days that I just don't have the stomach to mooch. Some days that are rough and I'm already so low and accepting help in a hundred other areas - that I'd rather go hungry than let someone buy me food or share their pizza. Because despite finding joy in receiving help - I still don't enjoy it as a whole. I would rather be an Independent Woman. And guess what guys? It's never going to happen. Because NO Matter what - I will always be reliant on God. And that - that is a very, Very Good thing. It is something He reminds me of daily through needing others and I as much as I still wish I was completely self-sufficient -- I am Grateful for the Reminder. Because I know it is Severely Needed on my end.
I do struggle with some pride - but my struggle with Fear is even greater. I don't necessarily want to be an Independent Woman for me, but because not everyone enjoys helping others. Nobody wants to be a Burden. How many mothers have I heard apologize for their crying baby? How many women have been anxiously grateful that I could help them, because they didn't want to ask for it and are now worried they have overstepped their bounds in our friendship. We all might not want to help. But NONE of us like to be a burden. Some may be resigned to it, but nobody enjoys that idea.
One of the Greatest things I've gotten to witness through needing to ask for help - is how often I've been told it gave another courage to ask for help themselves. Everyone needs help y'all. And most all of us have the hardest time admitting it, to others or even ourselves. But none of us our Independent, women or men. We are all reliant on God's Grace. And as seen through Job, God's Grace does not always come in the forms we expect. The Prosperity Gospel be Damned. You are not Blessed through a house, a car, a job - or even a family! You are Blessed through Jesus Christ alone. It was ALL given to you. You earned none. And it can all be taken away. And heaven forbid - if it is, where will you find your value then?
I ask you one last time - think about losing it all. Not just stuff - but also your skills, your talents, your health maybe even your very mind. Would you lose your will to live if you lost your ability to walk? If you lost the ability to have kids? If you lost the ability to think? You can lose any or all. What happens if you do? Will you still know your worth? Will you still understand you are Valuable? For your value does not lie within you, but within God. He brings it out of you in the Most Amazing ways, but it is never tied to something so superficial as earthly concepts. Do you see that? Do you see that sometimes your value is brought forward through needing help?
It took me years to see that. But I do now. And although I will forget. Although I will mess up. I will rant at God for humiliation in needing others. I will curse Him for needing Him. I know now. And every day I do a little better with that Understanding. Every day Needing God gets a little easier. Every day it becomes a little more Joyous and a little less Humiliating. Every day I grow Closer and Closer to Him. Cha-Cha Style of course. But I am dancing towards Him. That fancy word - Sanctification yo. It takes a hott-sec slash a lifetime, but we are all on this Pilgrim's Progress together. Learning, Growing and being all Fancy Sanctified.
And today at least - for this I am Grateful. Thank you my Lord. Thank You for showing me Truth. Even if it is a pretty shitty Truth to have to learn the Hard Way. Where is that damn Easy Button? Nevermind. I don't mind taking some time today. I know I've got You and today - that's Enough. In this moment, that is just Enough. You know. You're all those omnis and a Sneaky Sneak. I Love that about You. You are SO Good to me. In all seriousness now - thank You my God, my Friend, my Lord and Saviour -- Thank You.
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