A Short Ramble on Emotions

I called one of my Besties crying my eyes out this afternoon. She listened and was encouraging, laughed in all the right places and agreed vehemently with my known final sobbing line of "And I Haaaate Cryyyyiiiiing!" And this was the segue to a Fantastic Conversation where I feel like I finally understand how Incomprehensibly Complicated it is to be a woman.

Did you know a woman gets one week out of the entire month for normal emotions? Maybe. ONE WEEK. If she's lucky and has the normal cycle for her period. Yeah. Count it off. We get pms(PRE-menstruation) where our emotions are magnified to an extraordinary degree. We get a week of bleeding and physical pain that effects our emotions. And the week after? That's a gal's fertile week and it causes a whole different range of complex emotions based on your body trying to get you pregnant. Then you get a week of "normalcy" before it all starts up again. Of course, every girl is different. An average cycle is every 28 days. Mine is looking to be 25, and I know a couple girls who are between 18 and 22. Do you realize how that effects us?! No. I Had NO Idea. I've gone so far as to Blow off doctor's about this, who insisted it was a big part of my struggles.

Because there's those of us who already have Intense Emotions. We struggle to handle them without going insane. The options are to numb them or learn to acknowledge them, pinpoint where they are coming from and then handle that shit. But when you have a basketball sized knot of Spiderwebs to untangle - the task is often Overwhelming! I wish I had submitted sooner to the idea that "I'm pmsing" isn't an excuse - it's a reason to help pinpoint where that seemingly irrational emotion just came from! And I never have!

I am SO Blown away by the simple fact that a woman's cycle is Complicated, it's Intense - and it's NOT talked about enough! I had NO Idea that I had specific days where my emotions were magnified, no matter what emotions they were. That things were more of a big deal then and why. I had NO Idea that girl's don't actually have a sex-drive until about 26 years of age, when their libido's take off! I thought I had one. I was SO Wrong. And we don't talk about that. Typically because women are either married or comfortable having sex while single. We talk to the boys about to handle the crazy that hits them as teens, but we never warn the girls what will happen to them in their 20s and 30s. Maybe because they'll be adults then and whatnot. I don't know. But it hit me like a truck and I have been SO Confused about why for the past 3 years.

Emotions are looked down upon, disregarded, treated as a disease or even a sin. We learn to hide our tears, to hush our laughter, to Calm the Storms inside us. NO. This should not be! We are Storms. We are His Perfect Storms! Embrace the emotions - Feel them - Encourage them in others! Shutting them down doesn't make them go away! It just pressurizes them until they explode - possibly killing you. What we need to do is to give them to God. To say - this is me. This is who You created me to be. Help me learn how to wield them Properly. And He will. I know He will! I have Faith because He has earned my Trust.

I shut my emotions down for too many years to know how to handle them properly. I opened that flood gate and was IMMEDIATELY Overwhelmed. But He has been working with me. The Flood of Noah's Ark is a great analogy to what happened to my mind the first year or two of really working on my DBT. And the waters still have not receded, but I have gotten that twig of Hope. Like the world, I know my mind will never be free of floods, of tornadoes and hurricanes. Not in this Lifetime.

But with God's help I am getting there. I am learning how to Live with them. Learning how to survive them. And of course - how to see the Beauty within them. Your emotions can wreck havoc on your own mind and the minds of others - but they can also do more than that. For emotions are not just Natural Disastors. They are the Rainbow after the Flood. They are the sunrise and sunset. They are the moon that kisses her cheek and the the stars that shine above. Emotions are Dangerous and Beautiful. We must learn to use them wisely.

I must learn to use them wisely.

And I will. Because I have faith. Because He has earned my Trust.

REST

So a friend of mine posted a quote by J. Douma yesterday and I liked it quite a bit, to the point where I looked it up. It was in a book entitled "An Introduction to Biblical Ethics" which makes sense as this guy is a youth pastor and all that jazz. Anyhoot. I came across an even more thought provoking idea that had me quite Excited honestly. The author of this book, David Jones - was taking the time to go though each of the Ten Commandments, bringing forth a variety of ideas I had not heard before and I got quite consumed in interest. And I got to the Fourth Commandment. Now - I could not have even told you which this was. Indeed - I had to go back and look as I had scanned over it too fast. Just fyi, er rather fmi, it's the commandment to keep the Sabbath Day Holy. And here's where my interest spiked...

"Interestingly, the primary meaning of the term Sabbath is not 'seven' but 'rest.' The term is derived from the Hebrew verb shabath which means 'to rest or to cease from labor.' Because God rested on the seventh day of creation, the word Sabbath in Hebrew came to be used for the number seven. The fourth commandment specifies that this Sabbath rest was to be observed every seventh day. In the Old Testament the concept of Sabbath-keeping, or regular resting in order to worship, was deeply entrenched in the life of God's people."

Dude y'all! Do you see how Big of a Deal this is? The application found in here that is not subconsciously realized by SO Many?! The idea that REST is not to be once a week - but Sunday is actually the Ultimate Day to Rest. The Big Celebration of Rest if you will. Y'all - they even did this Every Seven Years! Yeah - it was called the Sabbath Year. And every seven cycles of this Sabbath Year - Guess what that was called? Um - the Jubilation Year, yo! Totally mind-blowing. Heard that term Many times, never knew it was like the Ultimate Party, Celebrating REST.

I'm reading this and my mind keep ramping. Why? Because a sin that has been passed down from generation to generation, even since World War II at least - is that idea that Idleness is of the Devil. That you are not Honoring God unless you are Productive. And of course, this is another one of those Lines in Life. You can sin by taking either the Extremes. Laziness and Sloth are not Pleasing to God or anyone. But did you ever consider that it is actually a SIN to not let yourself BREATHE? Oh - I sure as hell didn't. And this is the reason it's Revolutionary to me.

I Know for a Fact I'm not the only one who feels Massive Guilt when taking time for myself. When I'm being "selfish" by taking a nap instead of doing the dishes, or reading instead of the dozens of errands that "should" have been done that day. Do I really need to waste water by taking a bath that's solely for Relaxation? And the Worst - sitting on the porch, not even playing with the kittens; just staring blankly into space, lazily thinking about nothing that actually matters. How could I not have guilt over that?! The Ultimate form of Laziness!

But NO.

It is NOT.

While I would say Every Single Person struggles with Every Single Sin, we also do it to varying degrees. Even if you tend to an extreme with one sin, humans are fickle and contradictory - you will have times where the opposite extreme is hard as well. I know I do. It's a pain in the ass. And so, while I definitely can be quite lazy at times, it's not a struggle that I am often convicted of. However - an inability to take a moment to Breathe? To REST? Yes - that is Most Definitely a Transgression of mine.

But maybe you wonder Why? Why is it a sin to Work, when the work you do is Good? Why is it a sin to Constantly be doing Good? Well - the answer is within that question. You are not GOD. We are human, filled with sin, Imperfect and Broken Individuals - All of us. You simply cannot Follow God up or Down the Cliff's of Insanity without Tiring. How many times have I said our Pilgrim's Progress will not be easy? Not just mine - but Every One of God's Children. Yeah - it SUCKS, but it's TRUE. We are to Follow God, no matter how Treacherous, no matter how Difficult. And we are to REST as well.

And maybe you're thinking, but my work - it's not Treacherous or Difficult. It fills me with such Joy, how could I possibly tire? Ok. Seriously? Yeah - you're Life's work may be Joyful, but that doesn't go hand-in-hand with a ceaseless abundance of energy. There is NO Direct Correlation between joy and energy. I've actually found quite the opposite. I get a bit narcoleptic-like for a variety of reasons. One of which is when my emotions peak - Particularly, Joy. I do. I conk for like 15 minutes, like my mind is a compute that was overloaded and needs to be restarted, which is essentially what is happening. So maybe you're currently Following God through a Sea of Tranquility. That STILL does not negate His Commandment to REST.

And I've thought about this further as it is a subject often broached in my therapy sessions. It is well-known that I don't give myself a Break of any kind. While my outward appearances often look unproductive - my mind is Rarely still and Constantly Trying to Work. Indeed, it is working now to Understand that it's Allowed to just - Stop. Not sure if this will help yet or not, but one can Hope. I've learned to let my body rest, but my mind does not listen to me. It's rather like a cat, it will do what I want, when it wants to, and Certainly Not if I try to command it. Yeah - I love cats, but I do not wish for one that controls my thinking.

So this Rest - it's to give yourself a Chance to clear your thoughts, to Breathe. You are to Rest, in Order to Worship. I mean, what would happen if you went 48 hours without sleep? Perhaps you wouldn't be hallucinating, but try going 72 hours. Ok, up that. Go a week without sleep and see how "Productive" you actually are. Same with Spiritual Rest. God gave us a Basic Principle to Live by. While a Basic Principle for Sleep is 8 hours a night; God is saying you need a Spiritual Rest of 24 hours - once a week, declared as Sunday. Without at least this much - you will start to go bonkers after a while.

But what does Spiritual Rest look like? That, my dear - is not in a formula, or even a Blog Post. It will be different for every individual. I will tell you - I often call mine a Date. A Date with God, my BigMan. It's times where I follow Him out and about, never really knowing where I'll end up or why - but when I get there - I cannot even Describe the Beauty I have found. I have sat on the edge of a private pond late at night, the moon high in the sky, the stars brightly reflecting on the dark surface of the water, as the sounds of birds, fish, frogs and chickadees sang to the Heavens - culminating in a solo performance by a shooting star. I returned to Home that night with a Heart full of Wonder and Excited with what God had in store for me.

Because that is what Rest is all about. There are many reasons to lack a Passion for Christ, but one of those reasons can certainly be if you're not taking time to Rest. And maybe you're not the kind who likes to cozy up on a bed of moss beneath a tree. There are other ways to Rest. You can go to the movies, the library, the mall even. You can be by yourself or with friends. Like I said, there is no formula for Rest; which can make it difficult to know how to do so. I suggest this - Follow God and Experiment. If you come away with, what we called at camp as a "Jesus High" - that's an Excellent Indication you found one of the variety of ways you can Spiritually Rest.

Of course, they can be fickle. What can be Rest one day, will not necessarily be the next. Best to keep experimenting. And Sunday, being the Ultimate Day to Rest is the Best Day to Experiment. Find what helps to Renew your Passion for Christ and then Regularly Practice this, throughout the week. And then on God's Day - Go all out. Rest your Ass Clean Off!  Do not let yourself Spiritually Tire. Once a week - you must renew. And while you Must Follow God and Honor Him with how you Rest. Don't for a second believe you must do it the way Everyone else does it. No - I don't always go to the service and regularly miss Sunday School. Because Sunday is God's Day, not The Church's. You are Not to Follow your family, or friends, or even your pastor - you are to Follow GOD. And while they may be one and the same, not always are they. Remember that. It's Important.

And with that, my mind is Spent. Perhaps I, myself will Practice Resting today. The weathermen have rumored it to be a rather Beautiful Day - perhaps I'll go for a workout. Yes - that is often one of my forms of Rest. How could it not be with the Beautiful Greenways and Art practically littered about Cary? It's Marvelous! Have a Good Day my Friends. Indeed - Have a God Day.

I'm Done

I've said I'd Never say those words again. But Never say Never. And I'm Done. I'm Done with standing by and letting people get hurt and not saying anything. I'm Done with it being ok to hurt someone and not have it pointed out. I'm Done with encouraging and promoting this idea that Women are NOT Valuable.

And let me be clear - I am not thinking about one individual or one group of individuals. I have had this conversation with a countless number of people for the last several weeks about the turn society has taken and had so many encouraging responses that I'm Finally DONE with standing by and not taking a stand.

I realize many don't see this as a problem, so let me explain First - why it is a Significant Issue in our society, if not the world. Since the beginning of time woman has been seen as inferior, as lesser than, as property or a prize. I believe this started because man was given the role as the head of the household by God, Himself. I Love that men have this role what I Absolutely Loathe is that for some Ridiculous reason, that entitled man to become Better than woman. That, having a position of authority somehow got twisted to make a man Worth more than woman. This is WRONG. And Feminism - only made it worse. Why?

Because while I Wholeheartedly Applaud women wanting to be seen as Equal - the way we're going about it is Just as Wrong. For the last couple of generations, women have been attempting to be seen as Equal - by Becoming a man. Look around you, women are not only attempting to acquire the same strengths as men, but the same vices as well. You will find a female CEO with a drinking problem who brags about her latest one night stand. Feminism may have had good intentions, but instead of promoting a woman's worth as she is - it got twisted until the only way we can be seen to have value - is to think and act as man does.

And this comes to my anger. WE DO NOT THINK LIKE MEN. Oh yes. I hear the "We knoooow." I also hear the "Y'all Crazy!" And that's where my anger comes from. The way we think is NOT Crazy. It can be, the same as yours. You might not understand the way our minds work - but that doesn't make our reasoning less valid. If you can't follow a woman's argument - there's a good chance You are simply not sanctified enough in that area to have reached a point in your maturity to be able to follow her thought process. And yes - I did mean to use that fancy term "sanctified" - I know Exactly what it means. You want to ask me about why I think it's Totally Correct Usage - I would Love to have that debate with you.

And If a girl seems crazy paranoid that you're going to hurt her in some way, there's a good chance she's had experience with needing to analyze situations in order to survive. She simply doesn't trust that you're different than the last person she gave her heart to, watched them tear it to pieces in front of her and then laughed as she cried in response. Logically, she probably can't even explain this. And I've got something to say that may be news for some of you - LOGIC is NOT the only valid argument! It is often NOT even a Valid argument!! I know, blasphemy to many men. Go take Philosophy 101. I'm tired of all your logical fallacies.

Logical Fallacies

Logic is the study of reasoning -- the nature of good (correct) reasoning and of bad (incorrect) reasoning. Its focus is the method by which an argument unfolds, not whether any arbitrary statement is true or accurate. Thus, an argument can be both deductively valid and perfectly absurd, as in 1. All telephone poles are elephants. 2. Sally is a telephone pole. 3. Therefore, Sally is an elephant. The conclusion is valid because it conforms to a correct syllogistic pattern -- in this case, affirmation of the antecedent -- but is ludicrous at the same time. 

As a "branch" of philosophy, logic is often broken down into many subsets: for instance, modal logic, many-valued logic, modern logic, symbolic logic, formal and informal logic, deductive and inductive logic...

~Philosophical Society

Emotional reasoning is vastly different than what many men are used to, but it has Great Value and works hand-n-hand with logic. If you don't get that...You. Are. A. Fool. And I'm done with letting you think that's alright.

It is a well known fact in the psychological world that in order to use a "wise mind", an individual must incorporate reason as well as emotion. But as a society - that was shot down around the World War II and Depression Era. People were struggling to cope with pain beyond my wildest imagining and in the end - they just shut down all emotions. How many of my friends in their 70s or 80s tell me, quite matter-of-factly, that "I love you" just wasn't ever said. Not only were negative emotions shut down, but positive ones as well. And I wholeheartedly agree that sins are passed down from generation to generation. And that's often because they aren't Even acknowledged.

So - we don't often acknowledge that we need men to be a macho, tough guy if he wants us to take him seriously. We don't admit that we do that and that it's wrong. And it's even Less Acknowledged that this has always occurred with girls as well. And now that we're trying to be seen as equals - it's gotten Far Worse. We no longer cry. We no longer bubble with joy. A professional setting requires no emotion of any kind. Why? Because to ever be taken seriously, no emotion must be allowed. This is Bullshit. For BOTH of our genders. I can't even post a picture of a tear without censure.

And that photo wasn't because I wanted attention! No - I am the Last person who wants to be emotional OR attention when I am emotional. And if you haven't figured that out yet. YOU ARE A FOOL. I am at a point where I have simply grown past my Own Foolishness where I realize the Importance of Emotions. I Had to learn to be alright with them. In order to grow - in order to even stay sane - I had to start letting myself - be ME.

And I'm a woman people! I'm emotional and that's alright! I laugh so hard I can't breathe, I cry over "ridiculous" things and I yell FUCK when I'm frustrated. And that's not only Alright - it's HEALTHY. I agree that it can be taken too far. Life is made up of tight-ropes we have to tread carefully, because we lean too far to the left or right and we fall. And our society fell a long time ago in regards to women.

We ARE Equal. And that is Not because we can do anything a man can do or should have to be able to. Guess what? I want to be a stay home mom. I want to spend time cleaning my house, talking to the neighbors, raising children and taking in strays of every species(human or not). And while that is my passion - it will NOT be easy. And if you think that life sounds fun and carefree. Again...You. Are. A. Fool. Conversations that bring Glory to God are rarely easy and they Drain me Every Single Day. Totally worth it. Totally Fun. Totally Tiring and Most Definitely and Completely - WORK.

Don't you DARE think you're better than your wife because you provide for her. While that is an Amazing Strength - it is NOT the only one that matters. Your wife is at home changing more lives in a half hour than you will all day. And not just your kids. Not just your neighbors. Women have always been known for the love they can so easily exude. Or - once upon a time we were. We no longer are at the same level as generations past, because we've been trying to take on a man's strength instead of encouraging that, that was already within us.

It's time to reclaim what being a woman really means! It's time to spread that a woman's worth is more than the ability to do what men do, but those skills that we are naturally gifted with. And that what we do should Not be taken for granted and Certainly Not demeaned. Maybe a woman's place is in the kitchen, but men ruined that for themselves. What woman would ever want to be the perpetual butt of that joke? Not I. And the women that don't mind it - they've learned to "not care" like a man.

When one of a woman's natural strengths is that we Do Care! We care So Much and this is a Good thing! And when we start to care Too Much - we have men to even us out. Opposites attract because men and women need each other - we rely on each other to temper our opposing strengths and weaknesses. But it's gone too far, "...like a girl" has become and insult and that's Wrong and I'm Done with encouraging this. I'm Done with not speaking out.

I AM a Girl. I run like a girl. I throw like a girl. I cry like a girl. I laugh like a girl. I argue like a girl. I reason like a girl. I get mad like a girl. I get crazy like a girl. I LOVE like a girl. And I'm Proud to be a GIRL.

Like a Girl