I question everything. I've sought #Truth for as long as I can remember. My mind is rarely content to stay quiet. It has frequently driven me close to insanity when it won't just shush. It often drives my friends batty as well :D . I started emailing myself many of these rambles because it keeps me and my friends on speaking terms and my mind will often leave a subject alone if I write about it. Doesn't mean it quiets down, hahaha - as if I was that lucky. But it's less likely to replay one idea over and over, and oooover - if I get it out of the abstract and into the tangible. This is one of those. Copied and pasted from my inbox. I will admit, three-fourths of the way through I knew I would want to share this with others, but I rarely post anything without a Lot of editing. Like - hours worth. Writing is easy, editing is hard. And this has none - which I think there is a time and place for. And I believe this is one of those moments. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
| Makes sense. Guys And Girls play games when it comes to dating and such. Both sexes hide their thoughts. The games were created to not scare the other gender away before getting to know them past the initial reactions and such. I'm sure if we were to hear a guys thoughts on first seeing us we would either cringe or be repulsed. And if guys heard a girls they would be ashamed or think she's crazy. Meeting a new person can go many ways, but your first reaction to someone is typically only in response to an image. Wherever and however you saw them. You didn't get the depth. You didn't see all the facets. A photograph of a person is only one-sided. It doesn't capture the beauty of someone from every angle. Another reasons I love candid pictures that capture a person's essence and not just a good angle. The first time you meet someone is the same. You're only seeing a small glimpse of who they are and it might not even be them at all. How often do people wear masks when meeting a stranger? You have to get to know them, the person beneath the mask. It takes time, patience and, ultimately - Love. When you see who they are. When you see God shining through their unique personality traits nothing else matters. When I finally peel away my own sin and see past the barriers every person places up to hide behind. When I see God in them, It's So Beautiful. I can't tear my eyes away. I love easily and without caution, but these people I cannot imagine ever letting go. Perhaps in life, but never in my heart. And that's how it should be. Brothers and Sisters in Christ - we are bound together by God. And when you actually see God in someone, past all the bullshit we all project, how could you ever forget a face as beautiful as our Saviors? I used to think Christ just stamped his face on mine and that was what people would see. That is Who they would Love, but me? I was worthless. Just a broken body bound with a broken soul that would never be worth anything. But that's not true. It is not Jesus' face stamped on mine, but Jesus that takes all that is valuable about me and amplifies it till it shines as brightly as the morning sun. We are made in the image in God. God is in our every cell. We just twist it. We warp our true natures until we are a broken mess. But Jesus, He comes and gently takes the broken shards of our soul and pieces them back together. And the coolest part?! We are not what we were once were before we were broken. We are even more Beautiful! As the ultimate craftsman, our Savior takes our broken pieces and transforms us into the Most Valuable Works of Art. There is No One Else who can do this. NoThing else. I've tried. I've tried everything. You will only end up more broken then you were before. I was not just broken over time. My soul was shattered. The shards were ground into dust and I couldn't imagine ever being whole again. I still can't many times. A true craftsman often needs time and patience in creating a masterpiece. It will be a long time before I believe I could ever be such as that. But for now, it's comforting to know He is trying. That I am Not Worthless to HIM. And that is enough. Thank You God for Loving me and waiting patiently for 28 years for me to begin to believe that I am worth it. That I am worth You. #OneDay One day I want to #Love as you do. That is my Greatest Wish. My Greatest Hope. My Greatest Prayer. |
Do you see why I enjoyed writing it so much? It's that moment where my contemplation turns to God. He really is in EVERYTHING. No matter where I am, He is there as well. My theories on gender differences, my frustration in the lack of empathy in this world, my passion for art and nature, my quarrels, my regrets, my joy, my hope. I cannot escape Him. And I no longer want to. I am His and He is mine. And if He can make me into someone even slightly resembling the #Beauty I see in the people and world around me - I will happily give all control to Him. I don't want it. I never did. I just don't trust others to hurt me less than I already hurt myself. Not even God. But I am learning to trust You #BigMan. You won't break my heart. You won't shatter my soul. Just #Please, Help me remember that.
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