I Love Taking Pictures!!!

I think I finally get why so many people I know hate having their pictures taken. To most people, pictures are a work of art. And they can be - they can be amazingly Beautiful and that's a valid point. But that's not what they often are for me. They are memories.

My look, my fashion and my weight have fluctuated my entire life. Looking at these two pics taken of me and two extremely different points in my life makes me smile because of the memories associated. The one of me with my thigh the size of my bff's waist never fails to make me smile because that night was the first night of fun I remember after my heart broke into a thousand tiny shards and I didn't believe would ever be able to be repaired. And the second picture is a day at the beach with another bestie, a significant week that symbolizes the end of the "hell years" for me. The first week I really remember feeling happy or loved since the world I knew ended.

If I were to look at these photos of me and just see the image - I would flinch and take them down immediately. In one I think I'm around 300 lbs and that is not an attractive weight for me. And the other photo is just as bad, but in quite the opposite way. It was an even unhealthier weight for me, although I'm often reminded by others how attractive I was considered at it. Very few had the opportunity to see the outline of each of my ribs as well as every bit of my spine or the shaking that accompanied my inability to eat from intense anxiety that filled every moment of these years.

I could look at those and see that, and I have. I have considered taking them down time and time again. But then I remember the good. I remember the excitement of a road trip to the beach with some Amazing peeps <3 . I remember eating(!) and I remember that for the first time in years I cared I was alive. The other picture is the Birthday party my girlfriends threw for me. They had me wear a Birthday Sash and took me clubbing and let me Dance the Night Away! That night was one of the Best and I look at these pictures and I remember what happened and how much fun I had :D .

I can't imagine taking these pictures down, because there would be nothing to open the portal in my mind to re-experience these moments with some of the women who will always mean the World to me.

Thanks Mon Amies <3

I hope that explains better why I love taking pictures so much. I like to remember the things that make me smile. And the people I love often do.