Thank You for the Pain

I had one of the Most Exhilarating Experiences of my Life yesterday. I let someone see a bit of the Pain. Only as much as I could show another yet. It scared her. And it was nice to know it looked as bad as it felt. What she didn't seem to understand was that it is my Norm. That it is a part of my Life I once was resigned to, then accustomed, and now I welcome - albeit only in certain ways. It is what I have to endure while I am here in this world. The cause matters very little. My life experiences and choices have led to insanity and such severe brokenness that includes heightened feelings. Feelings of Intense Pain that I have never been able to handle. Until I learned to Trust God. He gave me His Own Strength. And today I have marveled at this repeatedly. That I can be in SO Much Pain, so much - that my friend is afraid to leave my side. I can silently scream and shake and dry heave - and have full faith that I will survive. I can know that it will always be a regular part of my Life -- but also know that God miraculously gave me the ability to manage it. To scream and suffer until I collapse, and all the while Praise Him for reminding me Who HE Is. He is my God. I am His. He will protect my soul with His Life. As He, in fact, already has. And so I find, yet again, that I am Grateful for this Pain that has the ability to drive me insane - for it no longer does. It drives me to Him. Thank You Lord for the Wonder that is You. Thank You for twisting all that is bad - back to YOU. Fuck man. Thank You :')