I love my laugh lines(aka Crow's feet) and I love my new streaks of grey hair. Marks of honor. I don't love the body pains that are really starting g to accumulate - but in my eyes it's Totally Worth It.
30 years of Life dude! I've survived SO Much and I'm Living now - Stronger than Ever Before!!!
Hahaha - I cannot tell you how many funny looks I've gotten when people hear my age. The majority of people I meet barely believe I'm legal and apparently many of those in my life had no idea I was in my very, very late 20s ;)
It doesn't surprise me anymore, although it can still offend me. Getting mistaken for a stereotypically immature teenager or college kid is never going to be a compliment in my eyes. But I do understand why this is.
For one, my grey blends in with my blonde streaks. Two, my laugh lines are often obscured by my glasses. Three, I dress in a variety of ways, but my favorites are not "age appropriate". Lastly, I know my actions rarely seem to back up my years. And I finally figured out way.
I've been labeled, quite kindly as "free-spirited". I love this in all honesty. However, it often marks a girl as without responsibility, as well as an easy mark for guys who want some. This combined with an even bigger factor tends to give people permission to act condescending and patronizing towards me.
See, if you've been following my blog, or my life at all - you'll know that I've been through some of the worst life can offer a girl. Life has not been kind to me and I have tried my best to leave the world. I have seen things no young woman should have to see and been forced to understand Life's shitty realities at a very early stage of life. I have spent a good portion of my years just surviving this world and all the FuckedUp Sin in it. But it's WorthIt now.
Life. Is WorthIt.
And this greatly impacts the way I see the world and approach others. It greatly impacts the way I LIVE.
People often have a hard time believing I'm 29 when they see me heading down a slip-n-slide with the youth group kids. They rarely understand I'm an adult when I spin in circles with elementary schoolers. How can I be responsible when I giggle like a school girl to dad jokes and puns? How can they take me seriously when my enthusiasm for birthday is Totally over the top?
I have been through a living hell. I have had my heart and mind shattered over and over and over again. I am still Broken. But I am God's Broken Vessel. And He can use Brokenness for His Glory in Such Wonderful ways!!! I am proud of this. I am proud to be HIS.
And this Brokenness? It allows me to see things differently. It forces me to retain my Child-like Wonder of the World. For without these innocent moments, without silliness, I could not handle the rest. God gives His Strength to survive the Brokenness of my Life that He uses for His Glorious Purpose. And He often does this in the form of being absolutely ridiculous.
I am older than I look. I am older than even those my age. I had no choice in the ways I had to Grow. Death was not given to me. I am here and so I follow He who earned my Trust, my loyalty, my Love and my Life. He didn't need to earn them, but He did. He is so very kind and patient with me. I know I do not deserve Him.
Grace is a Fucking Amazing thing though. He Loves me, cherishes me, He sees what I do not, He knows what I cannot - and in Following Him -- I am learning how to Truly LIVE. I am learning that #Adulting has no formula. Maturity has no rules...except God's rules.
My maturity involves Snapchat filters. It includes making funny faces. It means I may pull pranks or leave baby rattlers outside Wendy's for not substantial reason.
My maturity also means helping others at the expense of my own comfort. It means being kind at the expense of my time and energy. It means having patience and empathy. It means refusing to settle for the surface of who a person is, but wanting to know what makes them tick. Particularly when it is a person I dislike. It means loving others regardless of whether they love me back or are even kind. Honestly, my maturity means loving others when they are cruel. It means figuring out why they are cruel to better love them, without any help or encouragement on their part. It also means using healthy boundaries when doing this. It means knowing when to say "No." It occasionally means letting myself, not only be angry - but to confront another with their unkindness. It also means forgiving someone without being asked.
Maturity is a versatile thing. We all have our own, unique Strengths and weaknesses. Each if us are persons with many facets. We are God's prism and shine Him through in a variety of Beautiful ways. Never forget that to Follow Christ - does not mean becoming a Bible-toting, cardigan-wearing Christian. Being a Christian means that you are Following Christ.
So do NOT make the mistake of blending in! We may all be sheep who have gone astray - but we are a multi-colored flock. A rainbow herd. And even when we are each made pure as snow by the sacrifice of Christ - I have little doubt we will each be our very own snowflake. Beautiful and Completely Unique. Sinless, Pure, Perfect and every one different from the next.
Embrace Christ and Embrace how God made you, you. Each of us Wonderfully Made. And for me at least, Wonderfully made includes chicken fighting in the pool with my baby brother ;)
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