There are many like me, but we are not average whatsoever in this category, among others. Because of this - the mind has come to fascinate me. Learning how mine differs from others is Super Exciting as it is Incredibly Helpful in Relationship Quandaries. Conflict springs up betwixt any two people, but it can be high-nigh impossible to settle if you are unable to understand why it exists. Often people simply cannot because they are unable to communicate the differences that they are upset over. Often they cannot communicate, because they never took the time to be introspective and understand why they themselves think the way they do, so they sure as hell haven’t taken the time to understand why another person may think differently. One of the Biggest Components of DBT(Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is just this. I have taken, and still take - a Hella Amount of Time to figure out WHY I think the way I do. Why others think the way they do. And then how to interact in a Healthy Way when Conflict arises using this information.
Anyone can tell you Communication is Key in Relationships. And it’s Easy to see why. As soon as we are born we start evolving and devolving. No Two minds are born the same OR nurtured the same. By a Very Young Age each of our minds are Drastically Different than each others. There are average areas and norms, but every one of us is unique with our own strengths and failings. If you walk around assuming others think they way you do - you’re not gonna have a lot of friends. It’s a very wise idea to take time to see how you think and also how that differs from others. I once was forced to do this to regain my sanity. Now it has become a passion. Particularly that of men and women - as it is the most drastic of differences in the two largest Norms.
I was thinking of compartmentalization and the Nothing Box, of course. It STILL BOGGLES MY MIND that guys can think about NOTHING. I can’t! I WAS that girl that would ask a guy “whatchya thinking about?” And when he replied “nothing.” I assumed he just didn’t want to tell me. Drove me Bonkers! I NEVER considered the possibility that they actually weren’t thinking of anything, because in my mind - that in NO WAY is or ever has been Possible! And this did cause more than a few conflicts. Ever since I learned about the “Nothing Box” - Thank you Mark Gungor! Well - it was life altering! I don’t get mad at guys for lying to me anymore - because I realize - they aren’t! And that led me to more revelations. Do you know that guys need to figure some stuff out often by NOT talking about it?! I know - SO Weird!
But back to compartmentalization. Guys do this well. Girls really don’t. And I don’t think we often take the time to applicably consider this idea. Because - I think it often LOOKS like a girl is Compartmentalizing. So a guy is at work - he’s at work, working. Unless his work is interrupted - he’s probably not going to think about home stuff. A guy is cool in that when he can be completely focused and present in what he’s doing, so long as he’s not distracted. In my experience - Engineers reign in this area. But girls - we don’t operate that way. We may LOOK like we’re completely present. But - were often not. We’re multi-tasking. 24/7. There are no compartments. We’re watching a movie and thinking about a friend who broke up with her boyfriend and that maybe I should give her a call. Did I switch the laundry earlier? Oh, I don’t want to grocery shop tomorrow - we’ll just eat leftovers for dinner. Oh that shirt looks good at that character - I wonder if I can find it for a reasonable price? Oh no - did I hear my husband cough - there’s something going around, I hope he’s not getting sick. I’ll make him drink some of granny’s syrup later. Should I take a melatonin soon so I’ll be sleepy by the time this is over?
And while we are thinking all this and a bazillion other thoughts - we’re enjoying the movie, laughing, crying, screaming in terror(I don’t know what you watch). We can be fully present, our minds can just multi-task at very high-levels. This also often causes us to be less-focused than a guy and often cause us to look random and/or crazy. Particularly if an unrelated thought becomes emotional. One minute we’re playing a board game and the next we’re crying about that mean thing you said last week. Our minds - they don’t stop or go in a logical way. Some minds may be more organized and less jumpy than others, but in general girls tune out the unrelated bits. Or - try to. If a girl is stressed, but has a job to do, she’s still stressed - she’s just doing her best to tune out the stress. This is also why girls develop Skillfully Detailed Masks. Because a girl can’t put her stress away in a box so she can hostess. No - she just tunes it out the best she can, which tends to only work for very small stressors, like “Will people be able to find the place alright?” Big stressors, like a huge fight with a husband right before everybody arrives? Yeah - Mask. Firmly in Place. Make it through the night before you break down. And the Entire Party is now devoted to getting through it without people seeing that all you are now thinking about is the hurtful things that were said.
So yeah - girls do want to talk about it “Right NOW!” Because they have stuff to do - they have a life to live. And No - we don’t want to stress about something any longer than we absolutely have to. We don’t have an on/off switch for our thinking or our worries. We can’t put them a box, labeled neatly to go through at will. 24/7 our thoughts have access to us - many times without our permission. I feel like men can control their minds, while us women - many times just can’t. We only learn how to cope with them. How to handle them when they’re being a pain in the ass, which is Always.
I don’t know if this will be helpful for anyone, but writing it sure as hell was for me. So next time you wonder why a girl is acting a bit odd - there’s a good chance she’s stressed about something, or many somethings, and her mask is slipping. OneDay we won’t need masks, but in this day and age - society does not allow for that. You won’t keep a customer service job if you cannot perfect the “Barbie Smile.” And even with Good Friends - Eeyore is not a companion you want to invite to shindigs. I’m thankful I have friends who enjoy when I am Real. But they are a Rare find. Nobody’s perfect and there is NO Such Thing as a “True Friend”. Everyone fucks up and you will not only be hurt by a friend - but will hurt a friend. Even by accident. You want to find a True Friend, one who is Perfect and NEVER Hurts you? Grab a Bible and read the New Testament. But aside from Jesus, you’re gonna have to learn to deal with Imperfections in humans. Not to mention your own. Yeah - it sucks. Believe me - I get that. Where’s my damn Easy Button?
Oh - and this is what happens when I’m reading a book and smell cookies. If you’re confused - EXACTLY. My mind multi-tasks at the Speed of Light on Steroids. Good luck following my white rabbit.
And while we are thinking all this and a bazillion other thoughts - we’re enjoying the movie, laughing, crying, screaming in terror(I don’t know what you watch). We can be fully present, our minds can just multi-task at very high-levels. This also often causes us to be less-focused than a guy and often cause us to look random and/or crazy. Particularly if an unrelated thought becomes emotional. One minute we’re playing a board game and the next we’re crying about that mean thing you said last week. Our minds - they don’t stop or go in a logical way. Some minds may be more organized and less jumpy than others, but in general girls tune out the unrelated bits. Or - try to. If a girl is stressed, but has a job to do, she’s still stressed - she’s just doing her best to tune out the stress. This is also why girls develop Skillfully Detailed Masks. Because a girl can’t put her stress away in a box so she can hostess. No - she just tunes it out the best she can, which tends to only work for very small stressors, like “Will people be able to find the place alright?” Big stressors, like a huge fight with a husband right before everybody arrives? Yeah - Mask. Firmly in Place. Make it through the night before you break down. And the Entire Party is now devoted to getting through it without people seeing that all you are now thinking about is the hurtful things that were said.
So yeah - girls do want to talk about it “Right NOW!” Because they have stuff to do - they have a life to live. And No - we don’t want to stress about something any longer than we absolutely have to. We don’t have an on/off switch for our thinking or our worries. We can’t put them a box, labeled neatly to go through at will. 24/7 our thoughts have access to us - many times without our permission. I feel like men can control their minds, while us women - many times just can’t. We only learn how to cope with them. How to handle them when they’re being a pain in the ass, which is Always.
I don’t know if this will be helpful for anyone, but writing it sure as hell was for me. So next time you wonder why a girl is acting a bit odd - there’s a good chance she’s stressed about something, or many somethings, and her mask is slipping. OneDay we won’t need masks, but in this day and age - society does not allow for that. You won’t keep a customer service job if you cannot perfect the “Barbie Smile.” And even with Good Friends - Eeyore is not a companion you want to invite to shindigs. I’m thankful I have friends who enjoy when I am Real. But they are a Rare find. Nobody’s perfect and there is NO Such Thing as a “True Friend”. Everyone fucks up and you will not only be hurt by a friend - but will hurt a friend. Even by accident. You want to find a True Friend, one who is Perfect and NEVER Hurts you? Grab a Bible and read the New Testament. But aside from Jesus, you’re gonna have to learn to deal with Imperfections in humans. Not to mention your own. Yeah - it sucks. Believe me - I get that. Where’s my damn Easy Button?
Oh - and this is what happens when I’m reading a book and smell cookies. If you’re confused - EXACTLY. My mind multi-tasks at the Speed of Light on Steroids. Good luck following my white rabbit.
P.s. Besides adding a few paragraph breaks - I don't feel like reading this over or editing it. Yeah - well. I'm tired and I have a headache. I'm sure you will survive. And at least some of you can shut your brain down when you're done and give it a rest. Don't take that shit for granted. Also - a cat without a grin is easy to be seen, but if you see a grin without a cat - well then...there's a good chance you're a lot like me.
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